A Few Good Dates

Well, things with The Boy keep on getting better and better, so I decided I should do a little date recap.

Date #3

I went to his house and he cooked us dinner, a chicken stir fry that was delicious!  He admitted its practically one of the only good things he can make besides grilled cheese but I thought it was sweet he just made an effort to do something special like that.  So after dinner, we watched Role Models and got cuddly on the couch.

After the movie, we decided to go to his room to just watch TV and relax until I wanted to go home.  It was then, laying in bed all cuddled up nice and cozy, that I realized just how much I liked being in his arms, and just being around him.  There were times when we just layed there legs and arms intertwined in comfortable silence.  There were times of passionate kissing and there were times of just being goofy.  And around midnight it dawned on me I should really head home however, I really just didn’t want to leave!

Cute moment of the night as we were laying together in bed:

The Boy: So… not to be cheesy but…

Me: heh.. it’s okay… what?

The Boy: I’m just really glad I met you… *kisses me on the forehead*

Date #4

Two nights later Banana and I met him and his friend in Atlantic City.  We had a great time and we were super affectionate without being too nauseating to our friends, I hope lol.  I love that he is so affectionate and always so conscious of holding my hand or putting his arm around my waist.  It just makes me feel wanted and I like that.  :)  It was also the first night he called me beautiful.  And since, he has made it a habit to remind me that he thinks it.

Date #5

We had plans to go to the beach on Monday night but late afternoon he texted me asking if I would want to come over and eat dinner with his parents before we went to the beach.  What I was thinking was NO, that’s scary! What I said was, what time is dinner? And it was good, they were really sweet.  It’s always nerve racking but I made it through.

Then, we got to the fun part of the date – going to the beach at night! My absolute favorite.  I love cold sand between the toes, it is amazing.  And the smell of the ocean and the relaxing sound of the waves crashing.  We laid down a blanket and got cozy.  It was so much fun but I had to give him a hard time for wearing sneakers because really, who does that?

Anyways, it was really nice and it gave us a great chance to just relax and talk and cuddle (if you haven’t noticed, we reallyyy love to cuddle lol)

Suffice to say, I’m a little bit smitten.  And those sparks I wasn’t sure about before?  They are most definitely there, along with the butterflies and all other warm, fuzzy feelings.

Please Hold, While I Have a Fucking Moment

God, Facebook is the Devil sometimes.

I hate it.

Hate, hate, hate it.

I was having a really good day.  I was ready to come on here tonight and tell you guys how date #3 went really well.  In fact, at the end of the night, I didn’t even want to leave.  I was perfectly content all wrapped up in his arms.

Then tonight, I went on Facebook and decided to torture myself by looking at The Ex’s page (I have him hidden from my newsfeed which really does nothing except cause me to actually go to his profile in order to stalk him out, which I do practically every day, sad I know).  It had been a couple days though but lately there’s been this girl.  This girl leaving comments on every status update… inside jokes and comments that led me to believe they were dating.

Tonight, I have decided it’s definite.  And I hate that I care.  We’ve been over for a long time… well, we did have another fling in May which maybe is why I still care.  But either way, I KNOW deep down he is NOT the guy for me.  I gave so much to someone who gave so little.  He does not deserve me, even he would try to convince me of this.

But back to the moment I had, after I saw the comments, I felt sucker punched.  I got nauseous and shaky.  I closed the window and tried to compose myself by thinking of all his flaws and the mean things he’s said and done to me.  Somehow my attention shifted to the New Boy.  And all of the sudden I was all Negative Nancy about it.  All FORGET IT! I’m better off alone, without ANYONE!! Fuck guys!! Being all super dramatic in my head.  Cursing all guys ever born.

I’ve calmed down now… I’m feeling slightly better.  I know that he can’t make me happy but it doesn’t stop it from hurting.  Knowing maybe he could be the guy I imagined he was for some other girl.  But the truth is, he will probably treat her the same shitty way.  Only thinking of himself, only doing the things that benefit him, calling all the shots.  I don’t want that.  I don’t and I know it.

But still, if I need to actually see this in the near future at a party, well, I’m just not ready for that yet.

P.S. I have the best bloggy buds ever, thanks so much for the feedback on the last post! 

New Boy, New Crazy

Hi bloggies, I’m back! and so is The Crazy.  Oh who am I kidding, The Crazy never really leaves me, it just lays dormant for a little while.  Anyways, I’ve been feeling a little nutty the last couple days.  Nutty over a boy.  Notice, I didn’t say smitten but nutty, as in I’m thinking so much, my brain might explode.

I’m not giving him a cute little name yet… I feel like it’s too soon for that.  So, I met him online… oh, and he just so happens to have the same name as The Ex, which is actually a lot more annoying than I anticipated it being!  The Ex’s name just holds so much weight to it, ya know?  I say that name and I think of him.  But when I talk about the new boy with my friends we just call him OK (because we met through OK Cupid lol) so that makes life slightly easier.

 So the new boy, well, I feel like he is just very genuine.  He is super sweet and nice, but a little on the shy side.  The thing is that while the first date flowed really well and I had a good time, I didn’t know how much we sparked.  Maybe I was thinking about it too much or maybe it’s the fact that he’s just so nice.  However, I did want him to kiss me at the end, which he did not!  (side note: end of date = awkwardness, unless you’ve already kissed earlier in the date)

So first date was on Thursday, second date was on Sunday.  He came over to just hang out since I had the house to myself.  We watched Beerfest (actually very funny movie) and then played a little Rock Band.  We ended up being all cuddly during the movie and the night ended which a couple cute kisses.  After he left, I found myself really happy but at the same time questioning things.  Do we have enough in common?  Is the chemistry enough?  Is there spark? 

I spent most of yesterday thinking about it.  I can’t help but notice that this is what I do with nice guys.  I look for reasons to run.  If a guy’s into me, I get freaked out.  If he acts uninterested or like a jerk, I’ll be dying to see him again.  But really, when a nice guy likes me, it’s almost like I don’t know what to do with myself and I become really critical of the situation.  I hate being like this.

The thing is that he contacts me just enough.  Not overwhelming but he is consistent.  He’s respectful.  He thinks about me instead of just himself.  He tries to plan cute dates for us.

And yet, is there a spark?  I don’t know! Is that bad?  Is what I assume a “spark” with the jerks just because its more difficult, more thrilling.  Is it actually just a figment of my imagination because I’m having to work to get a guy to like me? 

Tonight is our third date.  I’m going to his house and he’s cooking us dinner (+ 5 cute points)  I feel like tonight will be a big tell of whether something is really there or not.  I know I sound crazy and that I should just take about 100 chill pills and calm the fuck down but I just get nervous about these kinds of things.

So, I was just curious bloggy buds, have you ever had chemistry develop slower?  Have you ever been unsure in the beggining?  Does it usually mean something is not there?  Do you think I’m a whackadoo worrying like this?  Ok, Go!

Things That Are Making Me Smile Today…

Hearing my favorite song on the radio on the way to work (Taylor Swift – “You Belong With Me” in case you were wondering )

Singing at the top of my lungs and dancing in my car to the above song all before 9am.

Arriving at my desk to find out that my manager is out today which means peace and relaxation.

It also means an extended lunch hour to get my nails done and free up my time after work. :0)

Knowing that in 6 hours I will officially be on vacation for the next 9 days!

The fact that I will be roadtripping it down to Myrtle Beach tommorrow and spending the week with the loves of my life! 

The idea of coming back with a great tan and plenty of blog material.

What has YOU smiling today?

Why?

Why does my heart still want someone who is completely wrong for me?  Someone who does not treat me how I deserve?

Why does my heart still think he will change?  Why does it think he can change and be the type of man I want to be with?  

Why does my heart always seem to win in a battle versus my head?

Why is it still hard to ignore his text messages?

Why does my stomache turn to knots when I think about him with another girl?  Why do I still feel sucker punched when I see a girl flirting with him through facebook?

Why can’t I cut him out of my life? 

Why do we have to have mutual friends? 

Why does he need to be at every happy event surrounding my best friend’s wedding in the next two years?

Why can’t the last bit of me thats holding on, finally let go?

Why can’t this story be over?

Why can’t the lingering stop?

Why can’t I just be stronger?

Why?

I’m Da Bomb… or Maybe I’m Just Bombed

You know that moment?  The moment where you realize, oh holy hell, I’m really fucking shwasted…  That moment for me on Saturday night was when I literally fell into the wall when I got into the bathroom.  I literally toppled over and the wall had to catch me.  Banana and I looked at each other and I remember thinking this is not good... not good at allll…  That’s the moment I knew.

Molly told me she realized I was down for the count when I laid my head on the table of the bar… AT 10:30PM. 

“I looked over and your head was on the table and you said you were tired like you usual do at the end of the night….”

“Well Moll, it did in fact turn out to be the end of the night for me…”

I am nothing if not a damn good drunk texter… I actually correct my misspellings too..  I focus, I make sense… most of the time.  The message I sent to The Ex that night:

So drunk maced my friends leave cuz so opul

Yep.

We took to train into the city and one of the girl’s made me a drink to have on the train.  Well, I guess it was strong and I chugged it like I was a girl of 18 in college again or something!  I’m an old woman of 24 now, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.

Anyways, I’ll spare you ever detail of the night but I was only at the bar for an hour before I dragged Banana into the bathroom and was praying to the porcelain gods.  All the while telling Banana, MY BEST FRIEND, that I’m not usually like this… as if the girl who goes out with me all the time doesn’t already know that.

Anyways, it was funny the next day.. not so much that night.  Other than that thought, it was a great weekend.

Friday night saw some fireworks and went out for a couple beers after with some friends.

*     *     *     *     *

Random story from Friday night.  A good friend from high school, we’ll call him Pact was texting me all night wanting to meet up later that night.  A little back story (I’ll give you the full rundown later this week) we’ve been friends for 10 years and have never hooked up, however, there have always been some underlying feelings…  sometimes on my end and sometimes on his. 

Anyways, he has a girlfriend right now, but he was still hinting that this meetup would be more than platonic and that his g/f and him were pretty much done… I squashed that pretty quickly.  I don’t play that game.. if you have a girlfriend then you aren’t hooking up with me.  End of story.

Funny enough, later on that night I was at WaWa getting a snack with my sister and who do I run into… but Pact!  So random, considering I haven’t seen him in maybe a year and a half and the one night we are texting all night, we run into each other.  Of course I had to bust his chops and say he stalked me out.   He wanted to hang out later on but I was just too tired (by the time I got home it was like 2am).  Plus I was nervous that he would try some funny business.  But I did tell him we could get together once he is back from vacation in a week.  So we shall see.

Anyways, all in all, a pretty funny weekend.

Hope you all had a great 4th!

Maybe I Think Too Much for My Own Good, Some People Say So, Other People Say No No

Man, am I happy to see this week coming to a close.  It was just a heavy week.  Nothing terrible happened to me but I just felt like this week was filled with sad news and a lot of reflecting.

When I posted about my bad day on Monday I forgot the saddest part – I came into the office to learn that one of my coworkers, a 27 yr old girl called out that morning because her husband had died in his sleep.  They were together for 11 years, he was only 31.  Not only did my heart break for her but it was a reminder of how suddenly people can exit our life.

And it was a tough week in Hollywood as well with Ed McMann, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson all passing.  I’m watching MTV right now and they are doing a tribute to MJ and its breaking my heart.  It makes me sad that the last ten years of his life he has been so greatly scrutinized by the public but now that he is gone, the world is showing there love for him – except that is not what he got to see before he left us.  He will always be one of the greatest pop icons of all time.  I think that when its all said and done people will remember him for being a great artist rather than all the controversy that surrounded him and that’s how it should be.

I was at my friends house on Monday night and she wanted to watch the Jon & Kate announcement, which of course was that they are seperating.  Which led to marriage and divorce being on  my mind a lot this week.  Specifically, the fact that sometimes parents stay together for the kids (which I believe my Mom did for us)  I don’t want to get into the whole thing right now but that has also been on my mind a great deal.

Anyways, if I learned anything this week its to appreciate the people in your life and never take them for granted because things can change and people can be gone in the blink of an eye.

Today was one of those days…

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed

after not being able to fall asleep most of the night

I was tired, cranky and crampy

I was late to work

One of the first emails I read was a rejection for a job I applied to in Philly

My job seemed extra annoying and unfufilling

Plus there were no new job postings that interested me

And on the drive home from work

All I could think about was

Having someone wrap their arms around me

Tell me I look beautiful in sweatpants

Find one of my idiosyncrasies cute

Remind me that it will all work out

Hold me tight

Kiss my forehead

And let me fall asleep in their nook

But there is no one

And most days that is okay

but today I really wanted someone.

Food for Thought

You’re going to meet the most extraordinary men, the sexiest, brightest, funniest men, and you’re going to fall in love with so many of them, and you won’t know until the end of your life who your greatest friends were or your greatest love was.
- MILK

It’s an interesting thought isn’t it?

Tidbit Tuesday

• The stars all aligned for our spontaneous Myrtle Beach mini vacation. The weather was gorgeous, the water was the PERFECT temperature, the friend we were staying with had off from work most of the weekend and we hit practically no traffic on the way down or coming home. So very, very successful trip. :)  Seriously, I think everyone could benefit from more spontaneoous vaca’s in there life.
• Perhaps, it is not southern Maryland that is the land of crazies, rather it is College Roomie and/or me who attracts them.  Because boy did we meet a couple of crazies while we were there.  There was the bellig 40 yr old man who literally was air guitaring on top of me at the bar.  He even kept bumping into me and instead of oh, I don’t know, backing up he just laughed and said “haahaaaa, I’m like totallyyy air guitaring on you.”  Then there was the crazy 40 yr old surfer type DANCING HIS ASS off.  Of course, he had to talk to us.  “Did you two win the cute friends award or something?  No?  Well then, maybe the best smile award.”  Gotta love it.  Capped the night off with CR laughing in a guys face when he tried to kiss her and his brother tickling my face and begging for my number.  Only, us.
• Has anyone else ever been flipped the p symbol while driving?  Let me explain that… I was waiting to turn left at a light.  It was one of those times where I could have probably gone but I hesitated and decided to wait for a longer break in the traffic.  WELL, Mr. Road Rage behind me starts beeping at me and when I look in my rear view mirror I see him screaming and making some sort of symbol with his hands when I realize that he yelling “P U S S Y !!” and the symbol is suppose to be a vag.  Um, wow, get a grip, dude.  Has this ever happened to anyone else? lol
• I’m going to Jack’s Mannequin & The Fray concert on Friday and I”m super excited.  It’s pretty much getting me through this week.
• My mind has a tendency to wander back to this while I’m stuck in my freezing office and all I want is my toes to be back in the sand: 

 

Hope everyone’s week is off to a good start.