Ahh.. dating, I loathe you. So I have not written in almost two weeks and that’s annoying because a lot has been going on, particularly with the guy from work, M. So I guess now I have to go back to how the first date went. It was fun and comfortable. He cooked dinner and we talked for an hour or two and the conversation was easy. Then we went to watch a movie and he made his move lol. So we kissed and I was unsure how I felt about it. Did I like him like that? Are we better just friends? He’s not FirstLove. Yea, so many annoying thoughts. But by the end of the night, I felt comfortable cuddling and kissing him and knew I would want to hang out with him again if he wanted to. Although, I still wasn’t sure how I felt about him and the whole working together deal.
The next day at work, he was coming on very strong and it freaked me out a bit. I have a tendency to push guys away when they are too into me. I guess someone who is confusing just intrigues me more. Anyways, that week he continued to call me consistently and was pretty obvious about his feelings. He was thoughtful and would surprise me with little things at my desk, such as a bagel for breakfast. By the end of the week, my feelings had grown and I was quite into him as well. We hung out on Thursday night after work and then spent the 4th of July together (saw fireworks together hehe).
However, things were different this week. It all started on Monday, when he broke our plans for what may have been a legitimate reason, however, I did not believe him. The way he told me, the way he didn’t call that night, and the feeling I had in my gut, I just couldn’t believe him but of course I did not say anything to him about it. I felt like he was being wishy washy, like he was interested but I felt like he was being lazy, like maybe the two weeks before was more of an act just to get me to fall for him. I began to feel by his actions and his words that maybe all he was after was sex. And I was not about to get myself into that kind of situation.
Yesterday, after he asked if I would be interested in fooling around in his car, which may have just been a joke but I was sick of those jokes, I needed to say something. Oh, and we have not fooled around at all yet and I thought I had been pretty clear that I am not like a casual hookup kind of girl. Anyways, I just got so bothered by it and I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I said, “I think maybe all you want from me is sex.” The way he handled it was horrendous. He was immature, insensitive, and defensive. His initial response was “I don’t have time for your ridiculousness.”
“Well, I don’t think its ridiculous and you didn’t even say I was wrong!”
“Don’t have time..”
“If you want we can just stop talking..”
“Well, is all you want sex?”
“NO, why are you being weird”
“I’m not trying to be weird. I’m just saying that I know that I don’t want a fuck buddy and if that is what you want or what you are looking for then I don’t want to get myself into that situation.”
He really made no attempt to try to reassure me that he was interested in getting to know me. Yes, he said “NO” when I asked if sex is all he wants but shoudn’t he have had more to say about it? He acted like I was wrong for talking about what was bothering me. He reminded me of the way The Ex treated me. I know I should have ended that convo with I think we are done but I didn’t. I actually have no idea where we stand but I guess it doesn’t matter.
I’m just very disappointed, really. Here was a guy who I thought was my FRIEND. Who pursued me persistently and acted like he was really interested in ME. I thought he seemed very different from Kevin. I thought he seemed like someone who could be caring and thoughtful. But I don’t think who he really is, lived up to my expectations. And its not that I have strong feelings for him or anything, but I am upset because it’s ANOTHER disappointment. It makes me feel like, WHY DID I EVEN GIVE YOU A CHANCE! Guys consistently disappoint me and then my first instinct is to blame myself.
I’m only 23, I do NOT want to be bitter/cynical already!