Monthly Archives: July 2008

Work Spouse

Today marks my one year anniversary with my work spouse and the one year I have been at my job. A work spouse is a damn good thing to have, and mine is particularly fabulous. A work spouse is much like a gay best friend, just minus the gay part. I think every work marriage is different but mine goes a little like this:

He tells me I look beautiful and he is one of the few people that I feel like truly means it. He’s also pretty much the only guy I hear it from these days but when I come in sleepy and cranky, it feels damn good.

He knows I can be crazy, cranky, bitchy, needy but he loves me anyway.

He listens to me vent about everything – the boy I made out with over the weekend, the fight I got into with my friend, the stupid order sitting on my desk that I don’t know what to do about.

He gives me great advice. Whether he’s helping me solve a work related problem or explaining to me the fact that “boys don’t like to talk. Never say to a boy that you need to talk or they will avoid seeing you. Ask him to hang out, get him in person, then lay it on him.” Such a smart boy, my Work Spouse.

On our first date, M told me that WS had warned him “if you hurt her, I’ll kill you… I’m serious.” I let M know that in fact, WS was being completely serious.

It’s WS that is there when I need a dollar for a redbull.

WS is there to walk down to the cafeteria when I don’t want to go by myself.

WS is there to sit next to at the team meetings, team dinners, and team events.

WS is there to have in depth conversations about our favorite show, LOST.

And today, he brought me a rose for the one year we’ve been at the company:

And of course, I fulfill my duties as a work spouse as well.

I listen to WS talk about his on again, off again g/f.

I notice when he loses weight/has been working out and I tell him.

I made a sign for his cube just to make him smile.

I come by his desk and rub his head when he looks completely stress out.

Now that I think about it, it just might be the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with a man.

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Filed under Cubicle Life, Why I Sometimes Adore Boys

I Don’t Want to Know the Lover at My Door, It’s Just Another Heartache on my List

I cried a little today. Okay, I’m a baby. But I’m mad and I’m sad and I’m throwing myself a pity party.

I don’t even really like M… I liked the attention, I liked who I thought he was. But who he turned out to be, no I don’t like. So, why do I care if he is still interested in me or not? I shouldn’t but I do.

I went to work today knowing it would be weird/awkward/uncomfortable or all of the above. Well, he starts off the day asking “are you still mad at me?”

“I wouldn’t say I’m mad at you, I wasn’t really even mad on Friday, mad just isn’t the word.. however, now isn’t the time to talk about it.”

If he really cared, he wouldn’t have asked me that on Monday morning at work, through IM.

He ignored me most of the day and I did the same.

And it’s not about HIM, it’s about the fact that this ALWAYS happens to me. It makes me want to never give another guy a chance because it always ends up the same. And we were FRIENDS, I really did think he liked me at first because he knew me at least somewhat. But I was wrong, he didn’t like me, he was looking for a rebound. I knew it and thats why I didn’t really want to go out with him in the first place.

The worst part is that he is not worth my time, my thoughts, or my energy, yet here I am feeling shitty about myself. It just doesn’t seem right.

Can someone please teach me to have some thicker skin when it comes to dating!?!?

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Filed under Boys are Dumb, My Crazy

And Another One Bites the Dust

Ahh.. dating, I loathe you. So I have not written in almost two weeks and that’s annoying because a lot has been going on, particularly with the guy from work, M. So I guess now I have to go back to how the first date went. It was fun and comfortable. He cooked dinner and we talked for an hour or two and the conversation was easy. Then we went to watch a movie and he made his move lol. So we kissed and I was unsure how I felt about it. Did I like him like that? Are we better just friends? He’s not FirstLove. Yea, so many annoying thoughts. But by the end of the night, I felt comfortable cuddling and kissing him and knew I would want to hang out with him again if he wanted to. Although, I still wasn’t sure how I felt about him and the whole working together deal.

The next day at work, he was coming on very strong and it freaked me out a bit. I have a tendency to push guys away when they are too into me. I guess someone who is confusing just intrigues me more. Anyways, that week he continued to call me consistently and was pretty obvious about his feelings. He was thoughtful and would surprise me with little things at my desk, such as a bagel for breakfast. By the end of the week, my feelings had grown and I was quite into him as well. We hung out on Thursday night after work and then spent the 4th of July together (saw fireworks together hehe).

However, things were different this week. It all started on Monday, when he broke our plans for what may have been a legitimate reason, however, I did not believe him. The way he told me, the way he didn’t call that night, and the feeling I had in my gut, I just couldn’t believe him but of course I did not say anything to him about it. I felt like he was being wishy washy, like he was interested but I felt like he was being lazy, like maybe the two weeks before was more of an act just to get me to fall for him. I began to feel by his actions and his words that maybe all he was after was sex. And I was not about to get myself into that kind of situation.

Yesterday, after he asked if I would be interested in fooling around in his car, which may have just been a joke but I was sick of those jokes, I needed to say something. Oh, and we have not fooled around at all yet and I thought I had been pretty clear that I am not like a casual hookup kind of girl. Anyways, I just got so bothered by it and I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I said, “I think maybe all you want from me is sex.” The way he handled it was horrendous. He was immature, insensitive, and defensive. His initial response was “I don’t have time for your ridiculousness.”

“Well, I don’t think its ridiculous and you didn’t even say I was wrong!”

“Don’t have time..”

“Fine.”

“If you want we can just stop talking..”

“Well, is all you want sex?”

“NO, why are you being weird”

“I’m not trying to be weird. I’m just saying that I know that I don’t want a fuck buddy and if that is what you want or what you are looking for then I don’t want to get myself into that situation.”

He really made no attempt to try to reassure me that he was interested in getting to know me. Yes, he said “NO” when I asked if sex is all he wants but shoudn’t he have had more to say about it? He acted like I was wrong for talking about what was bothering me. He reminded me of the way The Ex treated me. I know I should have ended that convo with I think we are done but I didn’t. I actually have no idea where we stand but I guess it doesn’t matter.

I’m just very disappointed, really. Here was a guy who I thought was my FRIEND. Who pursued me persistently and acted like he was really interested in ME. I thought he seemed very different from Kevin. I thought he seemed like someone who could be caring and thoughtful. But I don’t think who he really is, lived up to my expectations. And its not that I have strong feelings for him or anything, but I am upset because it’s ANOTHER disappointment. It makes me feel like, WHY DID I EVEN GIVE YOU A CHANCE! Guys consistently disappoint me and then my first instinct is to blame myself.

I’m only 23, I do NOT want to be bitter/cynical already!

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Filed under Boys are Dumb, Cubicle Life, Dating Tales