I Don’t Want to Know the Lover at My Door, It’s Just Another Heartache on my List

I cried a little today. Okay, I’m a baby. But I’m mad and I’m sad and I’m throwing myself a pity party.

I don’t even really like M… I liked the attention, I liked who I thought he was. But who he turned out to be, no I don’t like. So, why do I care if he is still interested in me or not? I shouldn’t but I do.

I went to work today knowing it would be weird/awkward/uncomfortable or all of the above. Well, he starts off the day asking “are you still mad at me?”

“I wouldn’t say I’m mad at you, I wasn’t really even mad on Friday, mad just isn’t the word.. however, now isn’t the time to talk about it.”

If he really cared, he wouldn’t have asked me that on Monday morning at work, through IM.

He ignored me most of the day and I did the same.

And it’s not about HIM, it’s about the fact that this ALWAYS happens to me. It makes me want to never give another guy a chance because it always ends up the same. And we were FRIENDS, I really did think he liked me at first because he knew me at least somewhat. But I was wrong, he didn’t like me, he was looking for a rebound. I knew it and thats why I didn’t really want to go out with him in the first place.

The worst part is that he is not worth my time, my thoughts, or my energy, yet here I am feeling shitty about myself. It just doesn’t seem right.

Can someone please teach me to have some thicker skin when it comes to dating!?!?

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1 Comment

Filed under Boys are Dumb, My Crazy

One response to “I Don’t Want to Know the Lover at My Door, It’s Just Another Heartache on my List

  1. monkey girl

    It’s not about having thicker skin, it’s about being comfortable in your own skin.
    If what you described is the “norm” of your relationships, then you are doing it all on your own.
    You are so young. You need to get to know yourself first, instead of trying to figure out who you are THROUGH the eyes of these guys. Fun is fun, and guys just want to have fun (especially at that age).
    It was obvious that the “work” guy just wanted to have fun…i.e. asks you if you want to “fool around” in his car. Give me a break.
    Instead of trying to understand him, by asking him what’s wrong, leave him alone. That kind of bullshit doesn’t even deserve your time or energy.
    That’s my best advice, leave him alone. Concentrate on yourself, go out w/girlfriends or guy friends and stop looking for a boyfriend to fill in your gaps and needs and make you feel good about yourself.
    Work on yourself, and figure that out.
    REAL guys are attracted to strong women. Learn to be strong first before you even bother w/boys.

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