So, I haven’t written in over a month. You see, it’s not that I didnt’ have anything to write about. I have many stories to tell from the summer; shoes were thrown, white water was conquered, boys were kissed. Lots of thoughts to share, both silly and serious. Plenty of topics I’ve obsessed over, yet I never wrote. And yesterday, while I sat at my cube at work reading Hope Dies Last, I started thinking about what has kept me from writing. And I realized exactly what it was…
I fear I can’t measure up to my favorite bloggers and the way they engage me in their stories and the way they can articulate their thoughts. It’s funny that I’m insecure even though I only have two readers. (yea, I’m talking about you Nat and Monkey Girl.. thanks for reading!)
So I thought about it some more. This is one of my major weaknesses – low self esteem/ insecurity. I started thinking about how much this stops me from doing. I want to write a book one day. I have always had that dream since I was a little girl reading Nancy Drew and The Babysitter Club books. I wanted to be an author. And now, I feel like I could write a book but I don’t think it will be creative enough, or funny enough, or original enough.
My insecurity stops me from going after what I want. I’m not too forward with guys because I’m scared to feel rejected. I delay going back to school to become a counselor because I’m scared I will not be good at it. I’m shy when I meet people because I’m scared they will not like me.
Then I realized that I will never get better at writing if I don’t start. I will never get better at dating if I keep myself closed off because I’m scared of being rejected. I will never get better at anything if I’m too scared of failing. So it’s time to wake up and start writing, start dating, start living and stop being so damn insecure.