Heart Meet Head, Head Meet Heart… Why Can’t You Two Just Get Along?

So, I’ve been talking to The Ex (yes, i changed his name again, formerly, FirstLove and K, I promise this one is sticking) a lot lately.  You know, the one that makes me feel like this sometimes.  Shortly after I wrote that entry I saw him at a mutual friends party and we talked for hours, about everything.  We talked about what happened between us, the mistakes we both made and why we just couldn’t work out.  There was some kissing, I gave into the kissing but nothing more.  I know I’ve never written the whole backstory yet but I will soon.  That night he tells me that he still cares about me, he still really likes me, he still has feelings for me.  That was never the problem, the problem is that he just can’t commit… to anything really.  He thinks I’m amazing but he just can’t give me what I want and deserve right now. I deserve more, that’s what he said.  I knew he couldn’t or wouldn’t commit from the start.  That’s why my mistake was sticking around and thinking he would change.  I thought that night had finally brought me the closure I so desperately wanted but really it ended up opening the door to us again.

After that night, we went back to talking every so often, some texting here and there.  And then a few weeks ago, we started talking a lot.  Now, it’s become almost everyday.  Mostly texting, once and awhile a phone call.  And then he says..

I really want to see you soon

My heart really wants to see him too.  But my head knows better.  See, my head knows nothing has changed.  My head knows that if we hang out once we probably will hang out again… and then again… and then again.  And although he calls us “friends” we aren’t JUST friends, we never have been.  We will cuddle, we will kiss, I will have butterflies and oh, the trouble.  And then I will be EXACTLY where I was a year ago.  See, my head knows this, my head understands this.

But then theres my heart.  Oh, my heart gets excited at the prospect of seeing him again.  He makes me laugh and I’m completely myself around him.  He loves who I am, craziness and all.  My heart loves the butterflies I get when he plays with my hair and gives me that look when he thinks I just did something really cute.  My heart just really wants him.

See, my head know better but my heart does not hear the logic…  it just feels the butterflies.

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10 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, The Ex

10 responses to “Heart Meet Head, Head Meet Heart… Why Can’t You Two Just Get Along?

  1. god, why does love have to be so tricky? or maybe that’s just it, maybe it shouldn’t have to be. i dont know any of the past history of you and the ex… why you broke up, what happened, etc. but from the way it sounds, it seems like you know that things haven’t changed with him. and my experience tells me that while people do have the capability to change, it doesn’t happen overnight, and they have to want it for themselves. i guess im not offering a lot of advice here, other than to say that if it feels right, i would go with it. but, if you feel in your heart, deep down your gut is telling you that this isn’t the best idea, then i would hold off.

    keep us posted.

  2. Maybe you’re both single, lonely, and longing for a time when you both felt wanted.

    I say don’t give into that urge, know that its a one way street to heartache, and be strong! Easier said than done, obviously, but your head is telling you the right thing…

  3. mysoundingboard123

    I know exactly what you feel… But sometimes i think is it wrong to just share physical intimacy with someone you really like even though you know the relationship isnt really going anywhere… Maybe we all should let loose and stop keeping strict standards of ourselves all the time
    Do keep us posted about what happens later 😀

  4. mysoundingboard123

    I really like the way you write… I have added you to my blogroll….

  5. longredcape

    Gah, that’s a tough situation. Maybe if he wants to make it work this time around he will listen to what you have to say regarding your needs/wants from the relationship. If you really think it’s worth it, take it slow.

    I had a boyfriend once that I kept breaking up with, and he kept coming back for me saying “I’ll change, just give me another chance! Let me take you out on a date!” and I would accept, cautiously. I wouldn’t even let him kiss me at the end of our date, even though we had already been intimate many, many times.

    It didn’t work out with him (he would be good initially, and then when it got comfortable again he’d go right back to his asshole ways), but that doesn’t mean it can’t for you. Just don’t wear your heart on your sleeve and, again, TAKE IT SLOW.

    Good luck girl!

  6. kkt8

    this post sounds oddly familiar to my last post!!

    listen to all the people that say take it slow…

    GOOD LUCK!

  7. I am so sorry you are struggling with this. I am yet another voice saying “go slow”. People can change, but he needs to demonstrate it. I have made most of my important relationship decisions as much with my head as my heart, and I have not regretted it. My dh and I broke up after dating for a year, and then got back together (for another 22 years), but he had always treated me right. I’m sorry I don’t have any better advice. Fingers crossed for you!!

  8. hurtin4certain

    Aye chihuahua! Its like reading a mirror if that makes any sense. I just finally walked away from the love of my life after 5 years. He said he couldn’t give me what I want right now and that I deserve more than he can give me. We have broken up before but I seriously can not stay away from him and caved in when the pain of missing him got to be too much. This past time though, it finally occured to me that he is more attached to his issues than he is to me. That gave me the strength to quit him cold turkey. I realized that when I broke down and called him, kissed him, texted him whatever, he was getting the Pay As You Go program and not the committed relationship I wanted. I fulfilled his “I miss her” quotient and when his glass was full, he would walk away and I would curl up and die. Stupid stupid girl. My friends will literally kill me if I take back up with him. I will say that if he does decide to take me seriously and wants to work on his issues (deeeeeep routed) I will be right there for him. I will love him forever whether or not we are together. But I am not going to give him pieces of my heart for nothing. You have the right idea, writing this all out. It SUCKS to be in this position. I wish I could give you the wisdom that comes with time. Unfortunately you have to go through that yourself until the day the answer shows up in your heart. Good luck until then.

  9. wonferdul

    That sounds like the relationship I have with Jarhead. We both like each other, but being in a relationship would be really good, yet he’s not in a good space for commitment, and the details would be horrendous. One of us would have to move, child custody would have to be arranged, one of us would have an ex spouse that would be extremely pissed off…it’s just not worth it right now. And so, we’re friends and we talk. I had to draw a line in the sand that we aren’t allowed to cross and it works…sort of. Some days are better than others and some days I miss him like crazy.

  10. Pingback: Happy Birthday to Blog :) « Little Miss Obsessive

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