This past week, I have been seriously questioning what I am doing with my life. I’ve been out of college for a year and a few months now. I’ve been at my job (which was only suppose to be a starting point) for over a year and I”m still living with the ‘rents. Living at home certainly has some perks – my mom does my laundry, (don’t judge, I swear she just loves doing laundry! 🙂 ) still get home cooked meals and I don’t pay rent.
On the downside, every day is like a game of 20 questions with her. I can’t go anywhere without her asking who, what, where, when, why and how. “Why aren’t you going out?” “Why do you go out all the time?” “Where are you going?” “Who are you going with?” “Why are you hanging out with him?” “Why did you stay up so late last night?” “Are you coming home later?” “Who’s house are you sleeping at?” “Did you brush your teeth?” “Did you comb your hair?” “Did you really wear THAT to work?”
Oh . My . God . I love her but the questions drive me i n s a n e.
As for Dad, when The Ex would come over, the same rule that applied when I was 16 was back in effect. “If you two are upstairs in your room, the light has to stay on and the door has to be open.” Apparently, I am still in high school.
So anyways, I feel like I’ve got my feet on the ground with a steady job and a growing savings account and soon I should fly the coup. This is where the stress, axiety, and questions begin. I could stick with my plan to move to Philly and get a marketing job. I could stay at home and go to grad school here. I could try to figure out a way to afford living on my own AND going to school. But really, HOW will I afford that? And if I move to Philly and get a new job, will I EVER go back to school or will I be stuck? Cue the anxiety – my heart would start racing, my chest felt tight, my hands got clammy and then I would stop thinking about it – I couldn’t deal.
Oh, have I ever mentioned I am literally the WORST decision maker EVER? With everything – what to order for dinner, what color shirt to buy, and of course important life decisions, uh like choosing a major.
But today, I at least made one very significant decision and I’m really excited about it… I want to get my masters in School Counseling. I have my degree in Marketing and I’ve never put it to use. I always thought I should try it before I give up and go back to school but the truth is I don’t like the corporate environment. I don’t want to spend my life in a cube or sitting at my desk in front of a computer. I like talking to people, I like listening, I like helping and I want a job that will fulfill me. And although I think I would be happy with a marketing job, I don’t think it will give me the satisfaction I’m looking for.
If you asked me why I chose Marketing, I couldn’t really tell you. It sounded like an interesting major so I went with it (see, bad decision maker.. eventually got frustrated and just picked one!) My second semester of Sophmore year I freaked out and realized that I didn’t really want to be a Business major anymore, I wanted to do school counseling. I told my parents and they basically talked me out of it. “Your just feeling overwhelmed by your classes right now.” “Psychology is a bullshit major.” “You’ll be fine, just give it time.” So I gave it time and before I knew it I had graduated.
But if you asked me why I want to be a School Counselor, I could tell you without hesitation. When I was in high school I had a counselor I talked to, I confided in, who picked me up when I was down and helped me through some darker days. High school is no picnic – break ups, catty girls, peer pressure, it ain’t easy. It really helped to have someone to talk to and to know that I had someone to turn to during the bad stuff. I want to be able to offer students the same thing I was lucky enough to have. I feel in my gut like it is what I am suppose to be doing.
So I figure that’s the big decision I needed to make… and all the other details I will just have to figure out in time. Now, I just have to break the news to my Mom and deal with the 20 bazillion questions that will be asked… oh lord, I can hear her already.