Another typical convo with CR.. in case you forgot, on occasion she likes to call me on my shit:
Me: “So this guy from the online site is suppose to call me tonight and I’m so nervous. You know me, I’m not really a phone person! It take so much energy. Besides, I’m not a talker… I’m more of a listener…”
Me: “What!? I’m.. a listener..”
CR: “Okk LMO.. your not a talker.. whatever you say…”
Me: “I don’t talk that much.. I mean…”
Me: “Fine! Maybe with my best friends I talk a lot but not with strangers..”
CR: “Alright.. I guess I’ll give you that.”
* * * * *
Driving home from my friend, Banana’s house this weekend. I’m in the middle lane on the turnpike, minding my own business. I see a cop creeping around so I make sure not to go too fast… next thing I know I see the lights go on and I’m being pulled over. What the fuck.
“License, registration and insurance ‘mam.” I was already getting my things together. “You’re not allowed to talk on your cell phone while driving anymore ‘mam.” Yes, he kept calling me ‘mam.. I kind of hated it.
“Whaaaa? Yes, yes I know that… but I wasn’t on the phone!”
“I saw you with your hand to your ear…” Apparently, driving with your elbow resting on the window and hand against your cheek is now breaking the law?
“Maybe I was playing with my hair! I swear to God I wasn’t on the phone!!”
“Mam, I saw you…”
Oh and to make the situation even better I was charging my phone at the time so it was right there on the seat. I did the only thing I could think of which was:
“I swearrrrrrrrrrrrrrr to you I wasn’t on the phone!! I’m sorry but I wasn’t… I SWEAR TO GOD.. I AM NOT LYING TO YOU!”
Clearly, he was not buying it at all.
“Please, look at my calls.. I haven’t had a single call today I don’t think!”
He picks up my phone… looks at my calls, looks at his watch…
“Well, either your smart and deleted it somehow or…. you weren’t on your phone.”
“I’m not lying I swear.. I’m a bad liar.”
He let me go.
* * * * *
As usual, Banana I attracted a real winner at the bar on Saturday night. The first time he walked by us he started seranading us with whatever dance song was playing and then kept on walking.
Then next time he passed by, he stared at us and showed us his dance moves then continued walking. Apparently, that was suppose to seduce us?
I think he was getting braver as the night went on. The next time, he came up between us and slung an arm around each of our shoulders.. “helloo ladies” in a slurred voice. Immediately I shoot a look to Banana that says why is this creeper touching us. Unfortunately or well maybe fortunately, he noticed. “Oh, excuseeeeeeeeeeee meeeeeee.. do you not want to talk to me? Whatever.” and he walked away. I would feel bad except I don’t like having my personal space invaded like that.
Hi, this is my life.