Well, She Doesn’t Speak English

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my love life is straight up comically tragic most of the time. Really, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I wanted to. Before I get into this story, let’s recap me and The Ex, which is no easy feat. We were together in some way for about a year, it was always changing and always dramatic. The basis of most of our problems was the fact that he felt that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I met him when he was about 2 months out of a three year relationship and he told me from the beginning that he just couldn’t commit. It was never about being faithful but more the other aspects of relationships. But we still tried to make it work although obviously when two people want different things how can it work? We pretty much ended things in April/May but since then he still tells me he cares about me/likes me/would want to be with me but just can’t commit. Things were over but still lingered. Although lately, I’ve been very strong about not talking to him.

So on Saturday night, I’m out with all my friends at a party which The Ex did not attend. I was around all his friends and it made me miss him. I hadn’t talked to him since I ignored his texts so when I got home around 1am, in my tipsy state I decided to text him. Okay, honestly, I also had a weird feeling maybe he was out with a girl and it was bothering me. When I asked what he did that night he tells me he “went out, but not drinking or anything.”

Hmmm… that doesn’t sound like him… out but not drinking?

“Oh… were you on a hot date?”

Insert his expert question avoider skills here but eventually he says,

“Yes, I was out with a girl.”

Cue the waterworks. I knew he wouldn’t take out a girl unless he really liked her.

Then he asks me,

”So why text me tonight?”

“I was just thinking about you… while you were out on your hot date.”

“Little jealous?”

“Are you surprised?”

”No, but I just enjoy it.”

“That’s really mean.. why would you enjoy me being unhappy”

“No not unhappy.. just jealous.. not unhappy.. and it makes me feel wanted.”

“I know you claim to have never felt jealousy before so I’ll let you in on a little secret.. it’s not a happy feeling.”

”Ohhh, you learn something new everyday.”

Cut to the next morning…

“So, do you want this girl to be your girlfriend?”

“Why would you ask me that?”

“Because I don’t want to be surprised…”

“What do you mean surprised?”

“I mean, I don’t want to hear out of the blue you have a girlfriend…”

“So if she’s my girlfriend, you want me to tell you first, I’m confused, lol.”

“No, I mean I want you to tell me if you’re planning on making her your girlfriend so that I can prepare.”

“Why would you need to prepare?”

”Because for the last year and a half you’ve been telling me you didn’t want a girlfriend and I believed you…”

“Well, I wasn’t lying but maybe you should prepare yourself then.”

“So NOW you’re ready for a real relationship? Obviously, you just didn’t want to be with me then and I wish you had just been honest with me.”

“But that’s not the case.. it had nothing to do with you.”

“You just didn’t want to be with me… WHY ELSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE NOW?”

“Well, she doesn’t speak English.”

I’m going to pause here for effect.

Let that sink in.

Okay.

Continue…

“That’s cool.”

“Wow, you aren’t even going to ask how I talk to her? lol”

“Maybe there is no talking.”

”No, turns out I can speak Spanish, who knew.” (Sidenote: he has a thing for Spanish girls… oh and in actuality he barely knows any spanish)

“Figured. Well, you knew I was never turning into a Spanish girl.”

”I knew that. Don’t take this all personal.. I really do like you.”

“It is personal. Clearly, you didn’t like me that much, the jig is up!”

“I didn’t realize I was doing a jig…”

“I want you to be happy but I feel really foolish and stupid and it hurts.”

The End.

She’s only been in the US for 2 or 3 months and works in the kitchen of his restaurant. It makes me nauseous that I can care about someone who would rather settle for a relationship in which there is little communication.

When I think about it, I do get it. The language barrier will allow him to avoid the aspects of a relationship he doesn’t want to deal with. He doesn’t want to have a girl get close to his family, check, the girl can’t even talk to his family! He doesn’t have to worry about talking about serious feelings because hey, there lucky if they can talk about the weather.

But honestly, this all kind of feels like a bad joke.

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21 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, Past loves, Relationships, The Ex, This is my life, Why I shouldn't drink

21 responses to “Well, She Doesn’t Speak English

  1. I’m sorry – that has got to hurt – but you nailed it when you called the reasons why he wants a girl he can’t communicate with….be glad you’re not her..

  2. Honey, you’ve got to stop torturing yourself, and let it go. Not easy, but better than what you’re going through.

  3. Please, please, please get away from this dude! He sounds like an idiot…seriously. And I’ve loved plenty of idiots, so I know how hard it is to get over them. I say cut off all communication…he clearly has a major problem with it!

  4. A guy who doesn’t like to communicate found a girl with whom he doesn’t have to communicate? Geez, it sounds like a stupid Budweiser commercial…

  5. aww honey, that’s really rough to find out. even if it is nothing personal like he says, it still FEELS that way. and it still hurts. i totally understand im im really sorry you have to deal with this.
    you keep your pretty chin up my dear, and know in your heart that some deserving man is going to come around one of these days and sweep you off your high heeled feet. you can count on it.

  6. Krys

    Can I just say ditto brookem, well said??!

    That is the worst feeling to know he wouldn’t commit to you but will to someone else. You’re such an awesome girl, LMO. He’s a complete moron to pass you up!

  7. What a butthead. (What a mature word for me to use).
    That totally sucks. I know EXACTLY how that feels as I’ve had the same feeling before with exes and to find out they have been dating or are in a new relationship is gut wrenching pain, no matter what stage of things you are in.

    But I have a feeling you are spot on about why he chose a Spanish girl. Boys are stupid. He’s stupid. He’s lost a great thing!

  8. OMG I had like the same exact thing happen to me, well not the not speaking English part. I was totally humiliated when the boy had a gf a few months after he “just couldn’t make that commitment” But then I realized he was a childish douche and I felt better.

  9. butterflyliz32

    Wow…

    What a douche!

    You are better off… Believe me! Get away from him now, before its too late.

    ~Liz
    http://www.adivorcestory.wordpress.com

  10. I could have written the first paragraph of this entry. Just found your blog, and am enjoying wasting my time at work reading some of the archives.

  11. Hooray! A Jersey girl blogger…I’m from Philly..Rachel from Confessions of a Jersey Girl told me about your blog today so I thought I’d stop in and say hi!

  12. Wow, he’s brilliant! I should suggest this to the guy I was just seeing who refused to communicate.

    BTW- found your blog through Hope! 🙂

  13. Pingback: The One Where He Whipped It Out « Little Miss Obsessive

  14. ladyoptimism

    ugh!! this was a trip down memory lane. I too have loved and lost an idiot. Same scenario with the off and on for roughly a year, he just got out a serious relationship, I wasn’t even looking to be in a relationship. I fell in love…silly me. Hilarity ensues (not really, but it’s semi-amusing to say that). The end result: he gets involved with another girl for a good long while, all while claiming to care so much for me. At least he was spewing this garbage in the beginning. Good part was she was my cosmic revenge: SHE wasn’t looking to get serious, and was still talking to her ex while “dating” my ex. Ah life is funny.

  15. Pingback: Life. Love. Bullshit. « Little Miss Obsessive

  16. SS

    I was searching for “guy who doesn’t speak too much” and then I found your blog. It seems similar situation as me. Because my bf never commited to anyone before, and now he has changed. Honestly, English is not native for me, but I don’t have too much problem communicating with him. But still I don’t talk much than the guys I used to date with from my own country. Guys don’t like when girls are talking and asking too much. I could get one of the reason that my bf is not talking too much and how he decided to be with me through your story. But I definetly know how you are feeling from your stupid ex. When you meet a good guy next time, don’t talk or ask him too much. I think asking for the relationship status is one of big mistake that girls are making. You shouldn’t tell him about that. You have to make him to talk first and figure it out.
    Good luck!!!

  17. nice

    hello i am from Azerbaijan.I want speak English well I want English very bad.What do I do

  18. Omg I just want to hug you. I’m so sorry. I was in a relationship for over a year with a guy who English was not his first language and although he spoke English fluently, he just couldn’t express himself as well outside of his first language (he was an adult when he learned English). It was very difficult and I’d say one of the things that lead to the demise of our relationship. I know you’ve probably heard this a million times, but you’re so much better than he deserves. Don’t let him make you miserable. Consider yourself lucky that you got out.

  19. Pingback: Example #286 Why Dating Drives Me to Drink « Little Miss Obsessive

  20. Naty

    wow im going thru the same thing.I was with my ex and i broke up with him and i guess how i act in front of him he would think im dating someone else.I turn off my phone.Hes crazy and didnt like me having friends.A girl called and he only spoke spanish to her, I TAUGHT HIM SPANISH. i just look at it like he was able to manipulate me,only for so long.He meets a girl that dosnt speak english so he can control and mistreat her worse. Im glad i noticed that.Its hard to move on but i rather be alone than controld and mistreated..!!

  21. monse

    wow that sucks he couldn’t at least be honest with you since the beginning, unfortunately you do have feeling for him just be positive and think you’ll find the right person, in the future when u think about all this situation you gonna laugh and say thank god i got over him… cheer up

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