The One Where He Whipped It Out

As if finding out my ex boyfriend has a new Spanish, non English speaking lover he plans on making his GIRLFRIEND wasn’t enough excitement for one weekend, last Friday I also had a date with a guy I met on Match. We had been talking for a week or two and the conversation on the phone flowed really well and I was really looking forward to meeting him.

So last Friday night, I drove 45 minutes up to Hoboken to meet him since he lives in a city and does not have a car. I was pleasantly surprised when I got out of the car and saw him. He was as cute as his pictures although did look a little older in person – he was 31.

We found a cute little bar and sat in the corner table by the window drinking Blue Moon. Conversation flowed easily, like it did on the phone. We laughed a lot and when our legs grazed against each other it felt comfortable to let them stay touching.  After a couple beers, he asked if I wanted to go back to his apartment and watch a movie.  Movie – fine.  Kissing – fine.  Cuddling – fine.  But was that what he had in mind?  I really didn’t want the date to end so I agreed.

We got comfortable on the couch and he put his arm around me and I snuggled close to him.  I knew he wanted to kiss me and it only was a couple minutes before I looked up at him and he went in for the kiss.

“You’re a good kisser” he whispered.

“You’re not so bad yourself..”

We kiss for a minute before I turn back to the TV and get comfortable.  I try to watch the movie but it’s pretty clear he’d rather kiss and I’m all for some good kissing but I knew that it wouldn’t go any further than that and I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

He turned my face back to him and started kissing me again and then his hand made its way to my chest… I took his hand and moved it down to my hip and continued kissing him.  No harm, no foul – I have a nice rack, I couldn’t really blame the kid that much ;).  Anyways, about one minute later.. his hand finds his way right back to my chest.  This time I move his hand and playfully say no. 

So I try to go back to watching the movie but eventually he initiates some more kissing and yep, some more boob grabbing.  This time, I’m annoyed.

“Excuse me, but don’t you think that’s disrespectful?”


“Well, I’m telling you NO and you keep doing it.  I find that extremely disrespectful.”

“I wouldn’t say disrespectful… It’s just… I just, really don’t want to listen… I”m just really attracted to you.”

“Well, I’m attracted to you too but it’s our first date and I’m saying NO and I really don’t like that you are not listening.”

“But the thing is, that I feel like there’s this mutual chemistry between us… and I just think we can have fun without doing anything serious.”

“It’s great you’re attracted to me but when I say no I mean no.  And yes, this is innocent but still, I don’t like when I’m not listened to.”

“Okay, I’m sorry I’m not trying to offend you… I’m just a very sexual person.”

“Well, I’m not saying I’m NOT a sexual person.  But this is our first date and I need to do things in my own time.”

And just like that a date went from great to ruined.  But there’s more.

We go back to watching the movie and eventually the kissing starts up again and I give in to some second base action although I really shouldn’t have.  Actually, I probably should have just left after the first conversation about not listening but it was all pretty innocent.   

“Omg, you have me so excited…” he says.

“Ok, well you did it to yourself buddy…”

“No, you got me so excited.. you want to feel it?”

“Um, no.”

“You want to see it real quick?”

“NO.  I’m gonna go to the bathroom and then I think it’s time for me to leave.”

So I go to the bathroom and when I come out he is standing in the living room waiting for me. 

“Omg, I am so excited…” 

And that’s when I see him reaching for the zipper of his pants… And then he freakin whips it out.  Upon seeing my look of disgust, he puts it away and apologizes for going to far. 

I put on my coat in silence.  Put my Uggs back on in silence.  Grab my purse and start down the stairs without any regard to how far behind me he is.  We walk to my car in silence. 

“Okay, well.. goodnight” I manage to say. 

“Would you want to hang out again sometime?”

Honestly, I really wish that I could see a picture of what my face looked like at this moment.

“Um, okay well think about it.” He says.

I get into my car and reflect on the ridiculousness that is my love life.  Honestly, how could someone seem so nice but actually be such a sleeze?  I wondered if he thought that because I was younger, he thought it would be easy to take advantage of me. 

ALSO, what happened to the days when a guy was lucky if a girl would KISS on the first date? 

Anyways, I’ve learned my lesson – I won’t be accepting anymore invitations back to a guys apartment on the first date.  I should have known his intentions but I guess I like to have a little more faith in people.

Anyone else have a good whippin it out story?



Filed under Boys are Dumb, Dating Stories

18 responses to “The One Where He Whipped It Out

  1. Wow! Just… wow!! I don’t even know what to say here! My alley creeper is nothing compared to this!

  2. Woah – I would have bolted too! Why do guys have to ruin a good thing???

  3. Oh girl….I can’t believe that! Luckily I don’t have a good whipping it out story…but I doubt I’ll forget yours! Wow….just wow!

  4. OH MY HOLY CHRIST!!!! Guys are disgusting pigs.

  5. OMG OMG OMG, I had no idea guys ACTUALLY did this! I’ve had situations where the guy has tried to get me feel it, through his pants, on the first date, but no one has ever just whipped it out before. So inappropriate. I’m so glad you ran away.

  6. OH MY GOODNESS. I can’t believe he actually did that. Good for you for getting out of there because this guy sounds creepy.

  7. longredcape

    Ew. Ew. Ew.

    Was it big, at least?


  8. Holy Cow! What the hell was he thinking?!?!! My mouth literally dropped open when I read this post. I’m sorry that happened, but at least it makes for an interesting story!

  9. No way! hahahaha! That is crazy, freaky, weird.

  10. Whoa! What was he thinking? Oh my goodness!!

  11. “ALSO, what happened to the days when a guy was lucky if a girl would KISS on the first date?”

    For some of us guys, those days aren’t over. I’d feel darn lucky if a girl kissed me at the end of a date.

    Now if only I could get a date…

  12. Oh my goodness! I was laughing and in shock during this story. I am so glad you made it out of there safely. What a WEIRDO.

    This is the kind of story that reminds me of my dating days.

    There are guys out there that don’t kiss on the first date. I’ve dated several of them and they are much more polite too. And certainly wouldn’t whip it out.

    Ah, wow. Hope your mom is okay too! let me know. I’m worried!

  13. Oh… I have dated many a horny goat who couldn’t wait to get it going, but rarely have they had the audacity to actually whip it out!

    That being said… my friend Jimmy, in high school, did whip it out when I was joking with him about him being tiny. He took great offense, and whipped it out. I will say… it was ANYTHING but tiny. I also learned that day that I never wanted any part of that. Bahahaha

    Sorry for your crummy date.

  14. Oh my goodness that is insane! I can’t believe he’s 31 either. Aren’t guys supposed to be a little more mature and respectful by that age??

  15. I meant to comment on this sooner…LMAO!
    I seriously laughed until my side hurt, and then had to recount the story to WS (he was horrified!).
    Thanks for sharing 🙂

  16. Dude … Some people are freaky! Hilarious story, though.

  17. ladyoptimism

    wow! that’s nuts. I have heard that line myself, “I’m just a very sexual person.” which is code for disrespectful, horndog who behaves as though he’s never been around an attractive female before. Then you have to defend/justify yourself cuz u don’t want to come off as Ms. Prudish. Nevertheless, from that point in the convo, I knew it was going from bad to worse fast!! The title was a dead give-away but to “see” it unfold, was still unbelievable. Some guys are nutters!!

  18. Kimberli

    Wow! Something similar happened to me years ago. I was out on a date with this guy. We had been having coffee at a Starbucks in a Barnes and Noble just a normal date nothing out of the ordinary. The place is about to close and we are heading back out to our cars. He said he wanted to talk for a little longer and I said it was ok for him to come sit in my car for a bit. I was parked right in front of the main entrance to the store. We are talking and I was looking out my driver’s side window. I turned back and he has his pants around his ankles is stroking himself saying “look what you did to me girl…don’t you want to suck it?”. We had not had any sexual conversation at all not sure why he thought this was appropriate at all! Needless to say I told him to get the hell out of my car and never call me again!

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