A Rational Revelation and Finding Peace…

I know my last post was quite melodramatic so a big THANK YOU for all your kind words.  🙂  I know I’ve been pretty slack on responding to comments but I promise I’m going to work on that.  Your words mean a lot to me!  But back to the last post, it was a combination of being overly emotional (my womanly time of month) and also very stressed over grad school and just straight up struggling to come to terms with the fact that The Ex seems to have done a complete 180. 

But after a few days, I have a fresh perspective on things, which I thought I would.  In the moment I needed to get out my fears and insecurities.  I don’t really believe I’m unlove-able – I mean, I did the other night but it was just one of those times when The Crazy took over – full force.  I let myself be upset about it for a day or two but then I told myself it was time to pull it together. 

I cut the pity party and asked myself, “HOW can you find peace with this situation? Because that’s what you need to do.

It truly comes down to perspective and the way we choose to view life and the things that happen to us.  I could easily sit here and hurt and cry why couldn’t he love me or why couldn’t he do these things for me?  But where would that get me?  A big fat nowhere, except maybe with mascara down my cheeks, stuffing my face with some Ben & Jerry’s Oatmeal Cookie ice cream in front of the TV crying over, like, The Notebook.

So, there I was with a question, now what was the answer?  It took me a few days before I had a bit of a revelation (again, although not as crazy and irrational as the last time)  It’s actually quite simple, he is in a different place now.  I look at how he is living his life and that is undeniable.  Perhaps, meeting his girlfriend made him want to change or perhaps he got tired of living the life he was living – of not really caring about anything or anyone, going out and partying all the time, not wanting to finish school and getting by doing as little as possible.  Maybe he finally snapped out of it, like I’d always hoped.  I guess the foolish thinking of mine was that once he snapped out of it, he would want to be with me.  But that was not the case and you know?  Its okay.  Our relationship was already too tainted to ever work, with too much resentment on both sides.  So he moved onto someone else and so did I.  It’s time I stop putting all the blame on myself.

The biggest thing I realized is that finding this peace has lifted a weight off my shoulders, a weight that I didn’t even realize I was carrying.  I had so much anger towards him and the situation for so long, that it was a ball of negative energy following me around, weighing me down.  And it was self inflicted, I know that I chose to look at it from the worst perspective – the perspective where I was the one rejected and not good enough.  That’s what it comes down to – feeling not good enough.  But maybe that’s not how I want to look at it anymore.  And this peace and letting go of the anger, it is absolutely freeing.

So today, I ask you… do you have anger weighing you down?  Maybe you don’t even realize it but perhaps it’s time to find your peace.  Good luck. 🙂

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8 Comments

Filed under Honest to blog, My Crazy Thoughts, Over Analyzing, Past loves, Relationships, The Hard Stuff, The Quarter Life Crisis, When the CraZy takes over

8 responses to “A Rational Revelation and Finding Peace…

  1. I think I still have anger weighing me down. It’s related to a particular boy, who for all intents and purposes, I shouldn’t care about anymore. But I still do. I want to get rid of the anger, but it’s still there…

  2. I’m so happy that you’re trying to see things more rationally and finding peace through that. Forgiveness is important — whether we need to forgive someone else…or forgive ourselves. It’s hard to learn important life lessons when we’re too busy placing blame! I used to be very angry at my ex…at the way he treated me…but then I think, I allowed him to treat me like that. And not only that, but he wasn’t right for me and I should be ecstatic that it’s over and I’ve been able to move on. Thanks for the reminder that finding peace within yourself is such an invaluable thing to do.

  3. cuteellaisbold

    Great post and spot on. We choose to be happy or not and we choose to find peace or not.

    I have anger still and I’m working on letting it go, but I sometimes feel like the person that the anger is for is trying to get a rise out of me still.

    I’m trying like hell to not let her. I am determined to find peace with this situation.

  4. Yay! I’m so happy you pulled out of it! I’m angry over a work situation. I can’t stand people who can’t mind their own darn business. Arggg

  5. walkingonsunshine18

    I don’t really have anger weighing me down, it’s more like regret weighing me down… it’s not a fun thing at all

  6. I’m glad you were able to get a place where you’re ok with the break-up. I’m sure that if/when Irish decides to date again and I hear about it, I’ll feel the same way because I’ll want to know why SHE is good enough for him when I’m not, but time changes and things evolve. This is a great, insightful post and I thank you for posting it because I bet it will help me in the next year. I think you’re amazing and I’m glad you’re feeling better about everything!

  7. We humans are mysterious creatures, we love to wallow in misery rather than looking for a way out. We don’t even realized that we are the authors of our own burden.

    Unless we become aware, we will never find peace. 🙂

  8. I think it’s very wise of you, seeing it in this perspective and trying to let go. I tend to hold grudges, even when sometimes i know mu relationship with my exes wouldn’t work. It’s not always acceptable for me and usually I just choose to hate them. But your words are so inspiring. I wish you all the happiness, my dear 🙂

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