For me, 2009 was a year of self reflection, taking chances, opening myself up and letting go.
It turned out to be a pretty big year, but in a quiet way, maybe that’s why I didn’t realize it while I was going through it. Nothing huge and dramatic really happened but somehow through new friends, a lot of self reflection and decisions, things are changing – I’m changing, life is changing, and it’s exciting and scary at the same time. But don’t you think that is when the best things happen? That exciting and scary feeling? I think it’s a good sign.
I started off the year at a hotel party with a group of my best friends dancing my little heart out. I didn’t have anyone to kiss at midnight but I was really okay with that. Actually, I was more than okay with it because the year before I had The Ex to kiss at midnight and THAT night went on to be my worst NYE thus far in life (thanks to a giant fight w/ him, the jerkface!). So I learned, having someone to kiss at midnight does not a great New Years Eve make. But back to last year’s New Year’s Eve, right after the ball dropped “Walking on Sunshine” came on, which just so happens to be my theme song at work. I couldn’t help but think that it might be a sign from The Universe that this year might just be awesome.
And looking back? Well, it kind of was. Of course, there was hard stuff…. there’s ALWAYS going to be hard stuff. But there was lots & lots of really good stuff too and that’s really the stuff I remember the most. I went on two awesome vacations with my best friends and had countless fun nights out. I tried snowboarding for the first time and finally took some jewelry making classes! But this year was less about what I did and more about what I learned.
The beginning of this year was filled with some…. interesting dating experiences, to say the least (you know, like the guy who whipped it out, Work Spouse, Meantime Man & of course, the last of The Ex) and as awkward/upsetting/ UN-FREAKIN-BELIEVABLE as some of those experiences were, I still wouldn’t take them back. Because I learned from each bad date, from each disappointment, from each dating disaster and I filed away new information about what I do and DON’T want out of a relationship and a boyfriend. Plus, let’s be honest – it made for some good blog fodder. 😉
But something that defined this year the most for me happened in the summer. I reconnected with an old friend from high school, who I spent hours and hours getting to know again through conversations online. He’s a deep, intellectual and introspective person and somehow through our conversations, I got to thinking a lot about my own life, my own thoughts and opinions, dreams and goals. I started questioning things and ideas and beliefs I had my whole life and began to wonder if I’d been going through life with too many of my Mom’s opinions shaping the way I was living. So, I vowed to make changes and to live life on my own terms. I realized that if I kept living my life through my Mom’s eyes I would never be happy. So, I made a big decision to apply to grad schools and to take a RISK! Something I really feel like I haven’t done enough of in my life, mostly because my Mom tends to stress taking the safe route. But I’m going after what I want and need to do right now. I’m going after a new career path, one I feel passionate about and I’m giving it a try. It is a risk – I know this but one that I feel is worth taking.
And then amidst all this decision making, self reflecting, growing and embracing who I am, something even more amazing happened. I found myself talking to this sweet boy on OK Cupid and although I was pretty over the whole online dating thing, I felt like I should meet up with him. At this point, my expectations were low and dating had really taken a back burner to the bigger ideas I had swirling around my head. But it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made because four months later, I sometimes forget what my life was like without him. And I don’t mean that in a bad, my relationship is my whole life kind of way… more like, he fits into my world so perfectly and he fills in these little gaps I didn’t even know existed and just makes my life that much sweeter. He is not my everything or my only happiness BUT he is who I get to share my life, my happiness WITH – which is what I think I’ve been looking for all along.
I have a feeling that I will always look back on 2009 very fondly. Something about the little moments, the little revelations, the little ideas, that ended up having a big impact on me.
Love & best wishes to you all in 2010.