You know what is insanely frustrating? Being misunderstood and fighting with someone you love.
I had a really great weekend but it ended quite horribly, with a big fight with my Mom.
Basically, she wanted to talk about my internship and the grad program I got accepted to. She asked what my internship would involve and I told her all the different aspects to it and her only response was – “well, how would YOU know how to do that?” Um, its called training, and you know, being in classes designed to learn to do this exactly! Geez…
So we moved onto the whole financial aspect of it. My internship pays my tuition and also provides a $7,000 stipend. I would THINK that she would be happy about this, but instead she tells me I should be worried about next year and if they are going to all the sudden have to cut my stipend or tuition remission. Anyways, she went on to ask a bunch of other questions like whether I will defer my student loans or not and what I want to do with my degree and what the salaries in this field are like.
But it wasn’t a conversation, it felt more like an interrogation. There was no feedback, just question, a nice long answer from me and then she’d make a face and then ask another question.
Finally, I said “I don’t like talking to you about this because you are just always negative.”
And she flipped her lid.
I pointed out how she never even said congratulations to me or really anything positive at all, pretty much throughout this whole process. She countered that she said “good luck” before my interview and asked how it went afterwards.
Which, yes she did ask how my interviews went, I will give her that but she again had not a positive thing to say. I told her about the program and answered a few questions she had and she didn’t have a single bit of feedback. Except at the end when she said, sighhhh “I just wish the timing was different.” (referring to the economy and the schools in our state having big budget cuts)
The thing is that I do understand that she is just worried about me and wants to make sure I am fully thinking this through. My problem is the fact that she NEVER has anything positive to say to me about it at all. If she would just act a little happy for me then I wouldn’t mind all the questions and the worrying. But its like I waste my breathe answering her questions because she never has anything nice to say – all she does is just make these stupid skeptical faces.
And the part that really upsets me is that she says that it’s all in my head and that she isn’t being negative. But I know its not in my head. It’s just very frustrating. She gets mad and says I never talk to her about anything but I feel like I can’t. I’d rather talk to the people around me who are truly supportive and excited for me. But of course she is one of the most important people in my life so I want to talk to her about school but she makes it so hard and she refuses to take any responsibility for that.
Anyways, I know this is probably not the most coherent post but I just needed to get it out I guess. So thanks.
Update: I talked to my Mom when I got home and we smoothed things over. She still believes that I had a preconceived notion that she is unsupportive of my decision which may be true to an extent but I also believe that she doesn’t realize the way the things she says come off to me. Regardless, she did tell me she does think it is exciting and I finally got a little positiveness out of her.