Category Archives: Here Comes the Sap

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes

For me, 2009 was a year of self reflection, taking chances, opening myself up and letting go.

It turned out to be a pretty big year, but in a quiet way, maybe that’s why I didn’t realize it while I was going through it.  Nothing huge and dramatic really happened but somehow through new friends, a lot of self reflection and decisions, things are changing – I’m changing, life is changing, and it’s exciting and scary at the same time.  But don’t you think that is when the best things happen?  That exciting and scary feeling?  I think it’s a good sign.

I started off the year at a hotel party with a group of my best friends dancing my little heart out.  I didn’t have anyone to kiss at midnight but I was really okay with that.  Actually, I was more than okay with it because the year before I had The Ex to kiss at midnight and THAT night went on to be my worst NYE thus far in life (thanks to a giant fight w/ him, the jerkface!).  So I learned, having someone to kiss at midnight does not a great New Years Eve make.   But back to last year’s New Year’s Eve, right after the ball dropped “Walking on Sunshine” came on, which just so happens to be my theme song at work.  I couldn’t help but think that it might be a sign from The Universe that this year might just be awesome.

And looking back?  Well, it kind of was.  Of course, there was hard stuff…. there’s ALWAYS going to be hard stuff.  But there was lots & lots of really good stuff too and that’s really the stuff I remember the most.  I went on two awesome vacations with my best friends and had countless fun nights out.  I tried snowboarding for the first time and finally took some jewelry making classes!  But this year was less about what I did and more about what I learned.

The beginning of this year was filled with some…. interesting dating experiences, to say the least (you know, like the guy who whipped it out, Work Spouse, Meantime Man & of course, the last of The Ex) and as awkward/upsetting/ UN-FREAKIN-BELIEVABLE as some of those experiences were, I still wouldn’t take them back.  Because I learned from each bad date, from each disappointment, from each dating disaster and I filed away new information about what I do and DON’T want out of a relationship and a boyfriend.  Plus, let’s be honest – it made for some good blog fodder. 😉

But something that defined this year the most for me happened in the summer.  I reconnected with an old friend from high school, who I spent hours and hours getting to know again through conversations online.  He’s a deep, intellectual and introspective person and somehow through our conversations, I got to thinking a lot about my own life, my own thoughts and opinions, dreams and goals.  I started questioning things and ideas and beliefs I had my whole life and began to wonder if I’d been going through life with too many of my Mom’s opinions shaping the way I was living.  So, I vowed to make changes and to live life on my own terms.  I realized that if I kept living my life through my Mom’s eyes I would never be happy.  So, I made a big decision to apply to grad schools and to take a RISK!  Something I really feel like I haven’t done enough of in my life, mostly because my Mom tends to stress taking the safe route.  But I’m going after what I want and need to do right now.  I’m going after a new career path, one I feel passionate about and I’m giving it a try.  It is a risk – I know this but one that I feel is worth taking.

And then amidst all this decision making, self reflecting, growing and embracing who I am, something even more amazing happened.  I found myself talking to this sweet boy on OK Cupid and although I was pretty over the whole online dating thing, I felt like I should meet up with him.  At this point, my expectations were low and dating had really taken a back burner to the bigger ideas I had swirling around my head.  But it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made because four months later, I sometimes forget what my life was like without him.  And I don’t mean that in a bad, my relationship is my whole life kind of way… more like, he fits into my world so perfectly and he fills in these little gaps I didn’t even know existed and just makes my life that much sweeter.  He is not my everything or my only happiness BUT he is who I get to share my life, my happiness WITH – which is what I think I’ve been looking for all along.

I have a feeling that I will always look back on 2009 very fondly.  Something about the little moments, the little revelations, the little ideas, that ended up having a big impact on me. 

Love & best wishes to you all in 2010.

xoxo

Advertisements

18 Comments

Filed under Here Comes the Sap, Honest to blog, My Crazy Thoughts, Reminiscing, The Good Stuff, The Quarter Life Crisis, Warm Fuzzy Feelings

Maybe I Think Too Much for My Own Good, Some People Say So, Other People Say No No

Man, am I happy to see this week coming to a close.  It was just a heavy week.  Nothing terrible happened to me but I just felt like this week was filled with sad news and a lot of reflecting.

When I posted about my bad day on Monday I forgot the saddest part – I came into the office to learn that one of my coworkers, a 27 yr old girl called out that morning because her husband had died in his sleep.  They were together for 11 years, he was only 31.  Not only did my heart break for her but it was a reminder of how suddenly people can exit our life.

And it was a tough week in Hollywood as well with Ed McMann, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson all passing.  I’m watching MTV right now and they are doing a tribute to MJ and its breaking my heart.  It makes me sad that the last ten years of his life he has been so greatly scrutinized by the public but now that he is gone, the world is showing there love for him – except that is not what he got to see before he left us.  He will always be one of the greatest pop icons of all time.  I think that when its all said and done people will remember him for being a great artist rather than all the controversy that surrounded him and that’s how it should be.

I was at my friends house on Monday night and she wanted to watch the Jon & Kate announcement, which of course was that they are seperating.  Which led to marriage and divorce being on  my mind a lot this week.  Specifically, the fact that sometimes parents stay together for the kids (which I believe my Mom did for us)  I don’t want to get into the whole thing right now but that has also been on my mind a great deal.

Anyways, if I learned anything this week its to appreciate the people in your life and never take them for granted because things can change and people can be gone in the blink of an eye.

8 Comments

Filed under Here Comes the Sap, Honest to blog, The Hard Stuff

Today was one of those days…

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed

after not being able to fall asleep most of the night

I was tired, cranky and crampy

I was late to work

One of the first emails I read was a rejection for a job I applied to in Philly

My job seemed extra annoying and unfufilling

Plus there were no new job postings that interested me

And on the drive home from work

All I could think about was

Having someone wrap their arms around me

Tell me I look beautiful in sweatpants

Find one of my idiosyncrasies cute

Remind me that it will all work out

Hold me tight

Kiss my forehead

And let me fall asleep in their nook

But there is no one

And most days that is okay

but today I really wanted someone.

5 Comments

Filed under Beyond the walls.., Here Comes the Sap, Honest to blog, The Hard Stuff

The One Where I Get a Little Sappy

You know what I think one of the very best feelings in the world is?  Real, true, gut wrenching laughter that comes straight from the soul.  There was plenty of that on Saturday night and I remember thinking that I wish I could just bottle up that feeling.  It doesn’t matter what was said or done to cause the laughter, hell a good portion of the night was spent laughing just because the girls had to end every sentence with  “and I had a great day in my pants.”  Boys make up silly rules during a game of Kings.

I don’t know if it’s my new (optimistic) view on life or maybe it was the fact that we were up at a college but life just felt lighter.  It felt more carefree, like before people were getting engaged and married and buying houses and working full time.  On Saturday night all I could think of was how lucky I was to have the friends I do and so lucky to have nights like that Saturday night.  And maybe it was the fear that those nights with ALL of my friends being together might be numbered.  Soon we’d start moving, getting married, having families and I just remember thinking, I want to cherish this time.

That night we went out to a lounge and danced our hearts out.  Everyone danced, even the boys.  And the best kind of dancing, the kind of dancing that can only occur when you are completely oblivious to the fact that people might be watching you.  Where you and your girlfriend twirl each other around without a care in the world.  And you sing at the top of your lungs and dance without feeling a bit self conscious.

I didn’t even notice who else was at the bar.  I just saw all my friends.  That might seem like a weird thing to say but a couple years ago when I used to go out, one of the main goals of the night was usually to find a guy.  Maybe just to make out with or maybe to get a date but I would run off with my partner in crime and find boys.  And while that was fun and there are some stories I wouldn’t trade for the world, that time has passed.  These days, I’ve realized

I’d rather spend my nights laughing with my friends and trying to bottle up that favorite feeling of mine.

4 Comments

Filed under Drunken Shenanigans, Here Comes the Sap, I love my friends, My Favorite Things, This is my life