It’s story time bloggy buddies. Ben put together a fun little contest to share our best hangover stories. I’m sure most people’s stories include the physical agony but mine is more about the awkwardness that comes when you get drunk and make bad decisions with your coworkers on a Thursday night (aka when you need to see them the very NEXT day).
Every year, my company hosts a sales conference and one night in particular is a big vendor event that turns into a party afterwards. It has actually been referred to as the Spring Break of the company (oh and btw most of the employees are people who are straight out of college). So during the event, we get drink tickets and I happily used mine on some wine. The thing about wine is it goes directly to my head. I’m talking after one glass I feel a little buzz already. So I have a couple glasses of wine and when the event ends at 9pm I’m feeling real good. But the night is just starting, thats when people move to the bar in the hotel. Now, there are a couple characters in this story. At the time, I had been casually seeing my coworker, M. Then there is Briefcase Boy (he brings in a briefcase everyday with only his lunch in it, so yea that sums him up). Now BB in the preceding weeks had been dropping hints that he had a crush on me but I wasn’t interested at all. Lastly there is Work Spouse.
So I’m hanging out with my team and work friends at the bar when M buys me a drink (Stoli Vanilla and Ginger Ale). Then BB buys me another one (hey, who am I to turn down a drink). The drunker I get, the more I start flirting with M and he asks if I feel like going out to his car for a few minutes…
“Well, I’m having fun with everyone and I’m really not about to go hook up in your car so…”
“Nah, let’s just go cuddle for a few.”
Apparently, it wasn’t very hard to convince me but I made it clear we would only be cuddling (ok maybe kissing too). So we go to M’s SUV and he puts down the seats. We lay down and I’m wondering why I even am there since things were pretty much done with M and he really didn’t treat me the best. Also I was texting The Ex and he was upsetting me and making me hate all boys (including the one laying next to me) Also, I was flippin drunk at this point. He noticed I was upset…
“What’s the matter?” He asked.
“Who are you texting? What’s the matter?”
“Just tell me.. I lovee youu (slurred).. come on, tell me.. I looove youu..”
“What? Shut up!”
“What? I lovvveeeee youuuu” more slurration
“Why are you saying that?! No, you don’t!”
We were kinda sorta dating for like a month and a half and he was always very hot and cold with it. He did not love me, he barely even knew me THAT well. I want to hear those words but not out of some drunk boys mouth who does not even mean it. I had to get out of there.
I spring up and say “I’m leaving, where are my shoes?”
I start rummaging through all the junk in his car looking for my flip flops when I come across another girl’s shoes…
“These are.. GIRLS shoes?!”
“Oh yea.. um… yea, those? Well, those… those are my sisters…”
“Ha, are these your ex fiance’s? You DO still see her don’t you? These are not your sisters..”
“Yes, they are, they are my sisters”
“YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR!! Everytime you lie you use the sister excuse… you barely ever see your sisters!! Ugh, just admit they are you ex’s!!!!!”
“What? They are my sisters!” He was a horrible liar.
“God, you are such a fucking liar!” Sidenote: I dated a pathological liar and also lived with one in college. I have a VERY sore spot for lying.
I held the shoe in my hand. It was a plaid flat with a buckle. And all the sudden I just chucked it right at him across the car.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Find my shoe, I’m leaving..” I find the match to the fiance’s shoe and decide I need to throw that one too. I stumble out of the car and go back inside while he drives home furious.
But the night does not end there. I go back to the bar and now have to deal with BB creepily sneaking up behind me and whispering things such as “Don’t you want to take a chance?” “What!?” “Don’t you want to take a chance on me?” Blank stare . “What, you only like bad boys? I can be bad.” Okay, I’ve got to go.
So I decide to meet up with WS. I really don’t know what comes over me but I cannot stop flirting my little butt off with him. Long story short and bad decision later, we end up making out, something he always said he wouldn’t want to do while we were still working together. Oops.
Eventually, at 3am or so I find my way back to my friends and our room. I fill in Cubie on the shoe throwing incident and we go to bed.
Four extremely short hours later, it was time to get up and get ready for work. I thought I was going to die. I was so tired, so nauseous and barely even functioning. Cubie practically had to rip me out of the bed. There was no showering, I was lucky I was even keeping my eyes open. So finally we make it to work and as I’m walking towards the entrance I look over and who is walking towards the entrance at the exact same time? Yea, M. Shit. Shit. What do I do? I decide I need to assess the damage.
He gives me a half smirk which I had no idea how to read.
“So, uh you still mad at me?”
“Do you really even have to ask?” Well, this is going to be a fun day.
I walk inside, head towards my cube and pass WS. I wave and decide I am going to pretend like nothing happened. Things were fine until he decides to ask 10 million questions “Do you regret it? Do you hate me now? Are we okay?” Oh boy.
Next, an awkward IM exchange with BB where he apologized for being so drunk and obnoxious.
I sit at my desk and try to piece together the whole exchange with M. Most people forget the end of their night but I like to be different and forget the very middle. I remembered throwing the shoes. I knew I threw them because I was mad he lied to me but so much was fuzzy. It was awhile before I remembered the “I love you” part. I decide to apologize in which he responds by asking me not to speak to him for at least a week. Ouch, but what do I care, he’s a liar anyway. (P.S. he did eventually admit they were the ex-fiance’s like one week later)
So next year, I’m planning on keeping all shoes in check and NOT making out with any coworkers, not even one.
Learn from my mistakes and don’t be a jonze.