I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my love life is straight up comically tragic most of the time. Really, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I wanted to. Before I get into this story, let’s recap me and The Ex, which is no easy feat. We were together in some way for about a year, it was always changing and always dramatic. The basis of most of our problems was the fact that he felt that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I met him when he was about 2 months out of a three year relationship and he told me from the beginning that he just couldn’t commit. It was never about being faithful but more the other aspects of relationships. But we still tried to make it work although obviously when two people want different things how can it work? We pretty much ended things in April/May but since then he still tells me he cares about me/likes me/would want to be with me but just can’t commit. Things were over but still lingered. Although lately, I’ve been very strong about not talking to him.
So on Saturday night, I’m out with all my friends at a party which The Ex did not attend. I was around all his friends and it made me miss him. I hadn’t talked to him since I ignored his texts so when I got home around 1am, in my tipsy state I decided to text him. Okay, honestly, I also had a weird feeling maybe he was out with a girl and it was bothering me. When I asked what he did that night he tells me he “went out, but not drinking or anything.”
Hmmm… that doesn’t sound like him… out but not drinking?
“Oh… were you on a hot date?”
Insert his expert question avoider skills here but eventually he says,
“Yes, I was out with a girl.”
Cue the waterworks. I knew he wouldn’t take out a girl unless he really liked her.
Then he asks me,
”So why text me tonight?”
“I was just thinking about you… while you were out on your hot date.”
“Are you surprised?”
”No, but I just enjoy it.”
“That’s really mean.. why would you enjoy me being unhappy”
“No not unhappy.. just jealous.. not unhappy.. and it makes me feel wanted.”
“I know you claim to have never felt jealousy before so I’ll let you in on a little secret.. it’s not a happy feeling.”
”Ohhh, you learn something new everyday.”
Cut to the next morning…
“So, do you want this girl to be your girlfriend?”
“Why would you ask me that?”
“Because I don’t want to be surprised…”
“What do you mean surprised?”
“I mean, I don’t want to hear out of the blue you have a girlfriend…”
“So if she’s my girlfriend, you want me to tell you first, I’m confused, lol.”
“No, I mean I want you to tell me if you’re planning on making her your girlfriend so that I can prepare.”
“Why would you need to prepare?”
”Because for the last year and a half you’ve been telling me you didn’t want a girlfriend and I believed you…”
“Well, I wasn’t lying but maybe you should prepare yourself then.”
“So NOW you’re ready for a real relationship? Obviously, you just didn’t want to be with me then and I wish you had just been honest with me.”
“But that’s not the case.. it had nothing to do with you.”
“You just didn’t want to be with me… WHY ELSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE NOW?”
“Well, she doesn’t speak English.”
I’m going to pause here for effect.
Let that sink in.
“Wow, you aren’t even going to ask how I talk to her? lol”
“Maybe there is no talking.”
”No, turns out I can speak Spanish, who knew.” (Sidenote: he has a thing for Spanish girls… oh and in actuality he barely knows any spanish)
“Figured. Well, you knew I was never turning into a Spanish girl.”
”I knew that. Don’t take this all personal.. I really do like you.”
“It is personal. Clearly, you didn’t like me that much, the jig is up!”
“I didn’t realize I was doing a jig…”
“I want you to be happy but I feel really foolish and stupid and it hurts.”
She’s only been in the US for 2 or 3 months and works in the kitchen of his restaurant. It makes me nauseous that I can care about someone who would rather settle for a relationship in which there is little communication.
When I think about it, I do get it. The language barrier will allow him to avoid the aspects of a relationship he doesn’t want to deal with. He doesn’t want to have a girl get close to his family, check, the girl can’t even talk to his family! He doesn’t have to worry about talking about serious feelings because hey, there lucky if they can talk about the weather.
But honestly, this all kind of feels like a bad joke.