Category Archives: Why I shouldn’t drink

Well, She Doesn’t Speak English

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my love life is straight up comically tragic most of the time. Really, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I wanted to. Before I get into this story, let’s recap me and The Ex, which is no easy feat. We were together in some way for about a year, it was always changing and always dramatic. The basis of most of our problems was the fact that he felt that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I met him when he was about 2 months out of a three year relationship and he told me from the beginning that he just couldn’t commit. It was never about being faithful but more the other aspects of relationships. But we still tried to make it work although obviously when two people want different things how can it work? We pretty much ended things in April/May but since then he still tells me he cares about me/likes me/would want to be with me but just can’t commit. Things were over but still lingered. Although lately, I’ve been very strong about not talking to him.

So on Saturday night, I’m out with all my friends at a party which The Ex did not attend. I was around all his friends and it made me miss him. I hadn’t talked to him since I ignored his texts so when I got home around 1am, in my tipsy state I decided to text him. Okay, honestly, I also had a weird feeling maybe he was out with a girl and it was bothering me. When I asked what he did that night he tells me he “went out, but not drinking or anything.”

Hmmm… that doesn’t sound like him… out but not drinking?

“Oh… were you on a hot date?”

Insert his expert question avoider skills here but eventually he says,

“Yes, I was out with a girl.”

Cue the waterworks. I knew he wouldn’t take out a girl unless he really liked her.

Then he asks me,

”So why text me tonight?”

“I was just thinking about you… while you were out on your hot date.”

“Little jealous?”

“Are you surprised?”

”No, but I just enjoy it.”

“That’s really mean.. why would you enjoy me being unhappy”

“No not unhappy.. just jealous.. not unhappy.. and it makes me feel wanted.”

“I know you claim to have never felt jealousy before so I’ll let you in on a little secret.. it’s not a happy feeling.”

”Ohhh, you learn something new everyday.”

Cut to the next morning…

“So, do you want this girl to be your girlfriend?”

“Why would you ask me that?”

“Because I don’t want to be surprised…”

“What do you mean surprised?”

“I mean, I don’t want to hear out of the blue you have a girlfriend…”

“So if she’s my girlfriend, you want me to tell you first, I’m confused, lol.”

“No, I mean I want you to tell me if you’re planning on making her your girlfriend so that I can prepare.”

“Why would you need to prepare?”

”Because for the last year and a half you’ve been telling me you didn’t want a girlfriend and I believed you…”

“Well, I wasn’t lying but maybe you should prepare yourself then.”

“So NOW you’re ready for a real relationship? Obviously, you just didn’t want to be with me then and I wish you had just been honest with me.”

“But that’s not the case.. it had nothing to do with you.”

“You just didn’t want to be with me… WHY ELSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE NOW?”

“Well, she doesn’t speak English.”

I’m going to pause here for effect.

Let that sink in.

Okay.

Continue…

“That’s cool.”

“Wow, you aren’t even going to ask how I talk to her? lol”

“Maybe there is no talking.”

”No, turns out I can speak Spanish, who knew.” (Sidenote: he has a thing for Spanish girls… oh and in actuality he barely knows any spanish)

“Figured. Well, you knew I was never turning into a Spanish girl.”

”I knew that. Don’t take this all personal.. I really do like you.”

“It is personal. Clearly, you didn’t like me that much, the jig is up!”

“I didn’t realize I was doing a jig…”

“I want you to be happy but I feel really foolish and stupid and it hurts.”

The End.

She’s only been in the US for 2 or 3 months and works in the kitchen of his restaurant. It makes me nauseous that I can care about someone who would rather settle for a relationship in which there is little communication.

When I think about it, I do get it. The language barrier will allow him to avoid the aspects of a relationship he doesn’t want to deal with. He doesn’t want to have a girl get close to his family, check, the girl can’t even talk to his family! He doesn’t have to worry about talking about serious feelings because hey, there lucky if they can talk about the weather.

But honestly, this all kind of feels like a bad joke.

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Filed under Boys are Dumb, Past loves, Relationships, The Ex, This is my life, Why I shouldn't drink

Boys on the Brain

My love life is often straight up comical… as in, most of my stories with guys involve them acting so ridiculous all you can do is laugh or else you’ll cry.  Anyways, I know a couple of you lovely freaders out there were wondering about the phone call CR and I were discussing so here is an update on that and all things boy in my life.

Surfer:  This is who I was talking to CR about and the one I was nervous to talk to on the phone.   We’ve now had two phone calls which were both two hours long – which in my world is a freakin marathon of a phone call.  I don’t like talking on the phone.. but I kinda do when it’s with him – I feel like we have a similar sense of humor and I just like the feeling I get about him.  The other day he kind of suggested us meeting up for a drink this weekend if I wasn’t busy but I actually do have a bunch of things going on this weekend so I told him another time soon.  If that day ever comes, I will be so freakin nervous but I really do want to meet him.  The truth of the matter is that… I kind of like him already and it freaks me out.  He’s actually suppose to call me later tonight… 🙂

DK:  I’m officially changing his name to Brooklyn because it just suits him better.  Anyways, I’ve also talked to him on the phone twice but I get a MUCH different feeling from him.  He’s more of a tough guy but he’s funny – almost in a mean way though.  He strikes me as a player.. someone I should stay away from, so of course it only makes me interested – I’m weird like that.  Anyways, last night when we were talking he threw it out there that he “doesn’t date girls with short hair.”  “But what if the love of your life has short hair?”  I asked.  “Well, then she’ll just have to grow her hair long.”  “That is ridiculous.”  This is just crazy to me, you are going to rule out dating any girl with short hair?  I think it’s stupid.. I think he lost a couple points there.. definitely on the fence about him.

Work Spouse: Him and his kinda sometimes girlfriend are on the rocks again right now so he has been hinting at us hanging out/going on a date.  Now, he really does have a big heart but he is way too insecure for me.  I could walk all over him and honestly, he’s too emotional… trust me people, I have enough emotion on my own.  I mean, I would have no problem hanging out as friends but not dating.  Although there was that one time I drunkenly made out with him but I try not to think about that.  Anyways, so the other day he texted me and asked if I wanted company at 12:30am on a Friday night.

Me:  “Well, you can’t come over now and it’s way too cold and I’m way too sleepy to get out of my bed so no sorry”

WS:  “Oh.. well I could keep you company in bed.. I know that sounds bad but I mean, we’ve cuddled before..”
“umm.. is it okay if I ask you to hang out or should I not?”

Me:  “It’s fine I just can’t tonight…”

WS:  “Okay… are you seeing anyone?”

Me:  “no.” (he knows this already)

WS:  “Did you used to have a thing for me?”

Whaaaaaaaa…. this is the problem right here.  How awkward is that?  Quite honestly, no I never had a thing for him but I didn’t want to be so blunt and hurt his feelings.  I decide to say this:

Me:  “Um.. are you drunk right now?”

WS:   “No… why?”

Me:  “Because you’re acting really weird.”

WS:  “Sorry.”

-end convo-

And I like to just pretend this never happened. 

M:  Even after throwing shows at him, he still randomly asks me to hang out. 

“Want to come over and watch a movie?”  (which lets be honest really translates to: Do you want to come over and make out and maybe if I’m really lucky you will be horny and finally want to have sex with me? no really, that’s at least what it means when he says it, I’m pretty sure)

“I’m already going shopping with my friend… you snooze you lose.”

I think he enjoyed that response as he repeatedly used the saying “you snooze, you lose” all day.

The Ex:  There’s a party this Saturday and there’s a really good chance The Ex will be there.  In my sober mind, I would love to just hang out as friends and not hook up.  In my vodka mind, I can make no such promises.  Sigh.

Too much boy drama, not enough making out – that’s what I think about the situation. 😉

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Filed under Boys are Dumb, Dating Stories, Let's talk about sex baybee, Relationships, single life, Surfer, This is my life, Why I shouldn't drink

Tidbit Tuesdays

  • Bad Bad Blogger:  I missed you guys!  I’ve been a bad blogger and a bad commenter – I’m sorry!  I was stuck in my funk and that led to not wanting to blog, which was very surprising because when I’m down is usually when I write the most… but I’m back. 🙂
  • Thanksgiving: It seems as though, the best part of the day for my Mom and Seester was watching me try to take the turkey out of the oven. First of all, we didn’t put it in a nice little pot with handles – NO it was in an aluminum pan and that pan was on a cookie sheet. So with the big gloves I had to try to grab the cookie sheet and balance the freakin pan on it. So obviously, I was having visions of dropping the turkey and ruining T-Day!  So there was a lot of nervous finagling to try to get the turkey out.  Squatting and going in for it from the front of the oven, then trying out the side – finally my sister yelled “OMG, this is painful to watch, I WILL DO JUST IT!”  “Shut up! This is not an easy task – I’m doing it, I just don’t want to drop it… God!”  In the end, I did get the turkey out but my Mom and Seester had to make fun of me for the rest of the day about how ridiculous I looked.
  • The Ex: My friends and I went out on Thanksgiving Eve and my best friends boyfriend invited The Ex.  I didn’t think he was going to come.. I really, truly didn’t.  But he did and it was kind of it like dangling crack in front of a crackhead, and I was not strong enough to not give in.  So flirt we did, laugh we did, sexytime we did.  Yea, I’m pretty much a lost cause.
  • Twilight:  Finally saw the movie!  I really liked it.. however, I felt like people who didn’t read the book would not really like or understand the movie.  Bella and Edward definitely looked the part, they really did… the acting left a little something to be desired but still, I liked it.  I think that the love story doesn’t come off the same way the book draws you in but I’ll take my Twilight and sexy vampires anyway I can get them. 😉

How are you doing friends!?

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Filed under Random Thoughts, The Ex, Why I shouldn't drink

The One Where I Throw Shoes and Make Other Equally Bad Decisions

It’s story time bloggy buddies.  Ben put together a fun little contest to share our best hangover stories.  I’m sure most people’s stories include the physical agony but mine is more about the awkwardness that comes when you get drunk and make bad decisions with your coworkers on a Thursday night (aka when you need to see them the very NEXT day). 

Every year, my company hosts a sales conference and one night in particular is a big vendor event that turns into a party afterwards.  It has actually been referred to as the Spring Break of the company (oh and btw most of the employees are people who are straight out of college).  So during the event, we get drink tickets and I happily used mine on some wine.  The thing about wine is it goes directly to my head.  I’m talking after one glass I feel a little buzz already.  So I have a couple glasses of wine and when the event ends at 9pm I’m feeling real good.  But the night is just starting, thats when people move to the bar in the hotel.  Now, there are a couple characters in this story.  At the time, I had been casually seeing my coworker, M.  Then there is Briefcase Boy (he brings in a briefcase everyday with only his lunch in it, so yea that sums him up).  Now BB in the preceding weeks had been dropping hints that he had a crush on me but I wasn’t interested at all.  Lastly there is Work Spouse

So I’m hanging out with my team and work friends at the bar when M buys me a drink (Stoli Vanilla and Ginger Ale).  Then BB buys me another one (hey, who am I to turn down a drink).  The drunker I get, the more I start flirting with M and he asks if I feel like going out to his car for a few minutes…

“Well, I’m having fun with everyone and I’m really not about to go hook up in your car so…”

“Nah, let’s just go cuddle for a few.”

Apparently, it wasn’t very hard to convince me but I made it clear we would only be cuddling (ok maybe kissing too).  So we go to M’s SUV and he puts down the seats.  We lay down and I’m wondering why I even am there since things were pretty much done with M and he really didn’t treat me the best.  Also I was texting The Ex and he was upsetting me and making me hate all boys (including the one laying next to me)  Also, I was flippin drunk at this point.  He noticed I was upset…

“What’s the matter?” He asked.

“Nothing..”

“Who are you texting?  What’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing!”

“Just tell me.. I lovee youu (slurred).. come on, tell me.. I looove youu..”

“What? Shut up!”

“What? I lovvveeeee youuuu” more slurration

“Why are you saying that?! No, you don’t!”

We were kinda sorta dating for like a month and a half and he was always very hot and cold with it.  He did not love me, he barely even knew me THAT well.  I want to hear those words but not out of some drunk boys mouth who does not even mean it.  I had to get out of there.

I spring up and say “I’m leaving, where are my shoes?”

I start rummaging through all the junk in his car looking for my flip flops when I come across another girl’s shoes…

“These are.. GIRLS shoes?!”

“Oh yea.. um… yea, those?  Well, those… those are my sisters…”

“Ha, are these your ex fiance’s?  You DO still see her don’t you?  These are not your sisters..”

“Yes, they are, they are my sisters”

“YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR!! Everytime you lie you use the sister excuse… you barely ever see your sisters!! Ugh, just admit they are you ex’s!!!!!”

“What? They are my sisters!”  He was a horrible liar.

“God, you are such a fucking liar!”  Sidenote: I dated a pathological liar and also lived with one in college.  I have a VERY sore spot for lying.

I held the shoe in my hand.  It was a plaid flat with a buckle.  And all the sudden I just chucked it right at him across the car. 

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Find my shoe, I’m leaving..”  I find the match to the fiance’s shoe and decide I need to throw that one too.  I stumble out of the car and go back inside while he drives home furious.

But the night does not end there.  I go back to the bar and now have to deal with BB creepily sneaking up behind me and whispering things such as “Don’t you want to take a chance?” “What!?” “Don’t you want to take a chance on me?” Blank stare .  “What, you only like bad boys?  I can be bad.”  Okay, I’ve got to go. 

So I decide to meet up with WS.  I really don’t know what comes over me but I cannot stop flirting my little butt off with him.  Long story short and bad decision later, we end up making out, something he always said he wouldn’t want to do while we were still working together.  Oops.

Eventually, at 3am or so I find my way back to my friends and our room.  I fill in Cubie on the shoe throwing incident and we go to bed. 

Four extremely short hours later, it was time to get up and get ready for work.  I thought I was going to die.  I was so tired, so nauseous and barely even functioning.  Cubie practically had to rip me out of the bed.  There was no showering, I was lucky I was even keeping my eyes open.  So finally we make it to work and as I’m walking towards the entrance I look over and who is walking towards the entrance at the exact same time? Yea, M.  Shit.  Shit.  What do I do?  I decide I need to assess the damage.

“Hey”

He gives me a half smirk which I had no idea how to read.

“So, uh you still mad at me?”

“Do you really even have to ask?”  Well, this is going to be a fun day. 

I walk inside, head towards my cube and pass WS.  I wave and decide I am going to pretend like nothing happened.  Things were fine until he decides to ask 10 million questions “Do you regret it?  Do you hate me now?  Are we okay?”  Oh boy.

Next, an awkward IM exchange with BB where he apologized for being so drunk and obnoxious.  

I sit at my desk and try to piece together the whole exchange with M.  Most people forget the end of their night but I like to be different and forget the very middle.  I remembered throwing the shoes.  I knew I threw them because I was mad he lied to me but so much was fuzzy.  It was awhile before I remembered the “I love you” part.  I decide to apologize in which he responds by asking me not to speak to him for at least a week.  Ouch, but what do I care, he’s a liar anyway. (P.S. he did eventually admit they were the ex-fiance’s like one week later)

So next year, I’m planning on keeping all shoes in check and NOT making out with any coworkers, not even one. 

Learn from my mistakes and don’t be a jonze.

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Filed under My Crazy, This is my life, Uncategorized, When the CraZy takes over, Why I shouldn't drink