Maybe I Think Too Much for My Own Good, Some People Say So, Other People Say No No

Man, am I happy to see this week coming to a close.  It was just a heavy week.  Nothing terrible happened to me but I just felt like this week was filled with sad news and a lot of reflecting.

When I posted about my bad day on Monday I forgot the saddest part – I came into the office to learn that one of my coworkers, a 27 yr old girl called out that morning because her husband had died in his sleep.  They were together for 11 years, he was only 31.  Not only did my heart break for her but it was a reminder of how suddenly people can exit our life.

And it was a tough week in Hollywood as well with Ed McMann, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson all passing.  I’m watching MTV right now and they are doing a tribute to MJ and its breaking my heart.  It makes me sad that the last ten years of his life he has been so greatly scrutinized by the public but now that he is gone, the world is showing there love for him – except that is not what he got to see before he left us.  He will always be one of the greatest pop icons of all time.  I think that when its all said and done people will remember him for being a great artist rather than all the controversy that surrounded him and that’s how it should be.

I was at my friends house on Monday night and she wanted to watch the Jon & Kate announcement, which of course was that they are seperating.  Which led to marriage and divorce being on  my mind a lot this week.  Specifically, the fact that sometimes parents stay together for the kids (which I believe my Mom did for us)  I don’t want to get into the whole thing right now but that has also been on my mind a great deal.

Anyways, if I learned anything this week its to appreciate the people in your life and never take them for granted because things can change and people can be gone in the blink of an eye.

 

Today was one of those days…

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed

after not being able to fall asleep most of the night

I was tired, cranky and crampy

I was late to work

One of the first emails I read was a rejection for a job I applied to in Philly

My job seemed extra annoying and unfufilling

Plus there were no new job postings that interested me

And on the drive home from work

All I could think about was

Having someone wrap their arms around me

Tell me I look beautiful in sweatpants

Find one of my idiosyncrasies cute

Remind me that it will all work out

Hold me tight

Kiss my forehead

And let me fall asleep in their nook

But there is no one

And most days that is okay

but today I really wanted someone.

 

Food for Thought

You’re going to meet the most extraordinary men, the sexiest, brightest, funniest men, and you’re going to fall in love with so many of them, and you won’t know until the end of your life who your greatest friends were or your greatest love was.
- MILK

It’s an interesting thought isn’t it?

 

Tidbit Tuesday

• The stars all aligned for our spontaneous Myrtle Beach mini vacation. The weather was gorgeous, the water was the PERFECT temperature, the friend we were staying with had off from work most of the weekend and we hit practically no traffic on the way down or coming home. So very, very successful trip. :)  Seriously, I think everyone could benefit from more spontaneoous vaca’s in there life.
• Perhaps, it is not southern Maryland that is the land of crazies, rather it is College Roomie and/or me who attracts them.  Because boy did we meet a couple of crazies while we were there.  There was the bellig 40 yr old man who literally was air guitaring on top of me at the bar.  He even kept bumping into me and instead of oh, I don’t know, backing up he just laughed and said “haahaaaa, I’m like totallyyy air guitaring on you.”  Then there was the crazy 40 yr old surfer type DANCING HIS ASS off.  Of course, he had to talk to us.  “Did you two win the cute friends award or something?  No?  Well then, maybe the best smile award.”  Gotta love it.  Capped the night off with CR laughing in a guys face when he tried to kiss her and his brother tickling my face and begging for my number.  Only, us.
• Has anyone else ever been flipped the p symbol while driving?  Let me explain that… I was waiting to turn left at a light.  It was one of those times where I could have probably gone but I hesitated and decided to wait for a longer break in the traffic.  WELL, Mr. Road Rage behind me starts beeping at me and when I look in my rear view mirror I see him screaming and making some sort of symbol with his hands when I realize that he yelling “P U S S Y !!” and the symbol is suppose to be a vag.  Um, wow, get a grip, dude.  Has this ever happened to anyone else? lol
• I’m going to Jack’s Mannequin & The Fray concert on Friday and I”m super excited.  It’s pretty much getting me through this week.
• My mind has a tendency to wander back to this while I’m stuck in my freezing office and all I want is my toes to be back in the sand: 

 

Hope everyone’s week is off to a good start.

 

I’m Bringin Tidbits Back, Yeah!

Your suppose to sing the title to the beat of SexyBack… I’m sure everyone got that, I’m sure EVERYONE was thinking about that song right now, I’m SURE I’m not a weirdo or anything.

• Vegas Blogger Meetup ENVY!  Oh sweet Jesus, I am literally so SAD I missed out on this.  I would have liked to meet SO MANY of the bloggers who went.  Ah, and it sounds like it was a blast.  And I’m really happy for the bloggers who did get to go but STILL, so effin jealous.  But it really made me realize I want to go to one of these meetups and soon! 
• Mini Vaca: College Roomie and I are going to Myrtle Beach this weekend!  We literally planned it like yesterday, heh.  We are driving down late Thurs and coming back on Sunday so it will be short but fun.  Hope for some good weather so I can get my tan on.
• Dating, ahem or lack of dating:  I’m back at the online thing but nothing much to speak of yet.   It’s really a jungle out there, for serious.  My friend went out with this guy and he was all “let’s hang out again this weekend.”  And she never heard from him again. WHY DO GUYS DO THIS!?
• Randoms:  I keep saying ”ooof!” in my head everytime something frustrates me today.  The other day it was “grrrfach.”  Sometimes, especially at work it’s “Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” which is funny because I never say it outloud.. but to myself, all the time.   
• Bad Blogger:  I realized the other day when I was thinking of my favorite posts that I haven’t written anything I’m that proud of lately.  I STILL do not have a new laptop (since my bit the dust, ohhh I don’t know, 4 or 5 months ago!) still don’t like having to write on the desktop.  It’s just not the same.  I need to blog from the comfort of my bed.  Anyways, I feel like that blogging (and commenting!) will pick up when I get my new laptop, hopefully this month!  I can not wait!

Got any tidbits to share?

 

Happy Birthday to Blog :)

Happy Birthday Blog!

 Today my little blog turns one year old.  They grow up so fast don’t they?  Heh… Well, the past year of blogging I’ve made some amazing blog friends and let’s face it, my dating disasters would have been a lot rougher if I couldn’t at leasst use them to entertain you guys.   Thanks so much for reading and supporting my little corner of the interwebs.

In honor of my blog birthday, I thought I’d link to a couple of my favorite posts this year:

Sexiversary

Warning! Handle with Care

Not Me

On Love

Head Meet Heart…

 

Update from Quarter Life Crisis Land

Turns out that nagging little Quarter Life Crisis Biatch is giving me just the kick in the butt I needed.

Update Resume – Check

Research/Apply to Jobs – Check

Where I want to work: NYC

Where I want to Live: Hoboken

When I want to move out: August/September (or as soon as I find a new job!)

So that’s my plan.

In addition, I have been dieting (and really sticking to it!) and I’ve finally taken a jewelry making class. So lots of positive changes and decisions being made. It feels good. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe I am in the midst of a QLC but I think its a good thing. I think it’s good that I want to make a great life for myself. While things are still very confusing and up in the air, it’s a very exciting time. I’m excited to get a new job and to move out. I’m excited to really stick to my diet and finally get healthy.  I’m excited to finally be learning to make jewelry and getting my creative juices flowing.  I’m excited to see what the future holds but still, the unknown can be scary.

Can we talk about my dating life for a minute?  I might have a plan for everything else but my dating life is a mess.  I feel like I know what I want and what I’m looking for but at the same time, it’s like I’m not ready for it.

I know I want to be with someone who will really appreciate me and treat me how I deserve and love me even though I am a crazy, crazy girl.

And I know I don’t really want to be alone but I’m scared to open up to any new prospects.

And I know I don’t want to talk to guys from my past who have proven to me that they do not care enough about me yet I am drawn to them because at least I know what to expect.

I guess I just feel like my wall is up and I don’t see it coming down anytime soon.  But I guess I have enough other things to think about that dating doesn’t need to be a priority right now.

So, that’s all folks.  My Quarter Life Crisis update in a nut shell.

Eventually everything falls into place…
until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment,
and know that everything happens for a reason

 

My Quarter Life Crisis is a Nagging Biatch

Lately, I’ve been consumed with thoughts of change.  It all started innocently enough.  Passing thoughts of changing my appereance or learning something new.

Dye your hair strawberry blonde. Get a tattoo. Pierce something.

It’s not unusual for me to think about change but lately the thoughts have been growing louder and more persistant. 

Start running.  Learn to make jewelry.
Figure out what you want to do with your life.

And I can’t seem to drown them out as hard as I try.

Take a big risk. Pack up your life and move across country.  Do something that scares you.  Just take a risk.

It’s not that these thoughts are bad to think about.  But when they start screaming all at once, my chest gets tight and its hard to breathe.

Go back to school.  Get a new job.  Leave this one you don’t even like.  What exactly are you doing?

I guess life has been pretty stagnant for awhile.  I’m sort of stuck in a bubble of safety living at home, hanging out with my best friends from high school, all still living here in my hometown.  Not having to really step outside my comfort zone for two years now.  Just moving along.. going with the flow… standing still when I should be moving forward.

How about you start dating again?  Take a chance with that. 

Or maybe, move away even if everyone else is staying. 

Update your resume.  Send it out.  Look in all different places.  You’ll never leave without a reason.

And these thoughts, they just don’t stop.  I can’t make them stop.

Hi, this is your quarter life crisis talking and I’m here to stay.

 

LOST, LOST, LOST… Oh and an Update on WorkSpouse

I think it’s a bullet post kind of day… partially because I’m posting from work and partially because my head is filled with so many thoughts of LOST I can barely function.

• Right now, I can hardly contain my excitement for the LOST finale tonight.  I really think it’s going to be amazing.  From what I’ve been hearing from interviews with the producers and castmates, there are two big shockers at the end and one will leave us wondering how the show will even go on! 
• Also, any guesses for who the major death is going to be?  It’s supposedly going to be as sad as when Charlie died.  I don’t know if I’m prepared for this.  Last week, I kept having a nagging feeling that it would be Sawyer but I really don’t think they would do that with the whole love triangle going on.  Perhaps, Jin or Sun?  That would be so sad.  I guess we’ll see.  Make sure you have the Kleenex handy!
• I have a mini work event in the middle of the day today which is also bringing me happiness.  I get a 90 min break plus free food.  Saweet.
• The day after I wrote the post about WorkSpouse I decided to ask him what was going on with the crazy girl he is seeing.  WELL, they are basically in a relationship… apparently, he made her break up with her boyfriend a couple states away.  I don’t know if I was just emotional from rehashing the whole thing on here or if it’s because my Girl Time is coming but I lost it.  I was mad and upset and I basically told him that we are not friends anymore.  My exact words were: “I just can’t look at you the same anymore.  You treated me like every other jerk I talk to and thats not okay.  I want to still be good friends but we aren’t… and I blame you for that.”  I felt lied to and mistreated and I don’t want to be friends.  Maybe that is immature but I was a really great friend to him and I feel like he does not deserve my friendship anymore. 
• To end this on a happier note, because I really am in a great mood despite the stupid boy drama, this weekend my seester graduates college!  I’ll be out of town for a few days and probably won’t be posting.  I get to see some of my family I don’t see often and I’m super excited.  I’m so proud of my sis and can’t wait until she uses her new degree in dental hygiene to benefit me with some free teeth whitening.

 

Example #286 Why Dating Drives Me to Drink

I want to share what went down with WorkSpouse so I can refer to it from here on out and you guys will understand.  I found this draft of a post I wrote right before it all fell apart…

March 18th

Ever since the night me and Work Spouse made out, we’ve been talking non stop.  I had assumed it was just a drunken attraction as I’ve always just looked at him as a friend. The day that really changed it was my birthday.  He couldn’t come out the night before so we made plans for him to come over on my actual birthday and play Rock Band.  After we got tired of rocking we decided to just relax and watch TV and we started cuddling and then… making out sober for the first time.  And it was good, really good.  And comfortable.  That is the night that made me stop and think.

But then the next day he mentions how he told his Mom I’m his “friend he makes out with.” YES! THE WORDS EVERY GIRL DREAMS OF HEARING. He had been sticking to the fact that we were just friends and I was off limits for the following reasons:

He doesn’t date co-workers
I just dated his friend (Meantime Man)
We’re really good friends

I’m pretty much breaking every rule the kid has about dating.  Yet what he says and what he does is not matching up.  I know he doesn’t want a relationship but he acts like were dating, all while saying we are just friends!  So now, we are just stuck in some sort of friends/dating limbo.

For instance, last night I went up to his house, met his Mom, went to dinner (he paid), he held my hand the whole way home, we tried to watch a movie and ended up hardcore making out. So we’re… friends? We’re… friends w/ benefits (although not many)? Dating? Seeing each other?

He’s only about a month out of a three year relationship. I KNOW he doesn’t want a relationship right now… wait, does that sound familiar? Does that sound like the same story as The Ex? I know, and that’s probably why I’m on the express train to Crazytown right now.

The worst part is, he is a really close friend. He KNOWS about The Crazy. He has heard me talk crazy about other boys and he doesn’t want to do that to me. He is seriously one of the best guys out there.

So the dilemma? The complete, honest to blog truth is I feel myself falling for him. I mean, he is one of my closest friends and the physical chemistry? Off the charts. So really, what more could I ask for!? But, it’s complicated.

Really complicated.

There’s the really good friendship that could get ruined.

The fact that we work together.

The fact that I just was dating/sleeping with his friend.

Most importantly, I’m just really really scared of getting hurt and that’s why The Crazy is sneaking in. I mean, that’s what causes The Crazy afterall, it’s our fears.

So, bottom line – if I feel like I will end up getting hurt, do I break it off now? Or do I try to just go with it and have fun and see what happens?

*    *     *     *     *

Well, I never even got around to posting that entry before eventually things got weird.  Well, he got weird.  Later on, we talked about it and just like I was scared of getting hurt, he was scared of getting hurt, or worse, hurting me.  It sucked.  I was disappointed. 

But, the real kicker.  The reason I kinda think he’s an asshole now is that around the same time he got weird, he starting spending all his time with another girl, who was also just his “friend.” 

She has a boyfriend who lives a couple states away.

A baby.

A baby daddy who she still sleeps with.

Cannot keep a job.

And he spends all his time with her.  It’s been, oh, a month and a half now.  And because we’re such great friends, I found out that they are sleeping together and pretty much dating, even though he told me he would never. 

And the reasoning why he’d want to be with her over me?

“Well, it’s just easy.  There’s no strings attached.  I don’t have to worry about her getting attached to me or me getting attached to her.  Plus, it could fall apart and I could never talk to her again and I wouldn’t care.  If things went bad with us, I would be so upset about losing you as a friend.”

Yada, yada, yada.  I actually got over the whole thing pretty quickly probably because I found his behavior so ridiculous and unattractive. 

Apparently, guys would rather date girls who don’t speak English (that’s over already btw) and girls who already have a boyfriend then put work into something real and THAT is frustrating as hell.