LOST, LOST, LOST… Oh and an Update on WorkSpouse

I think it’s a bullet post kind of day… partially because I’m posting from work and partially because my head is filled with so many thoughts of LOST I can barely function. 🙂

• Right now, I can hardly contain my excitement for the LOST finale tonight.  I really think it’s going to be amazing.  From what I’ve been hearing from interviews with the producers and castmates, there are two big shockers at the end and one will leave us wondering how the show will even go on! 
• Also, any guesses for who the major death is going to be?  It’s supposedly going to be as sad as when Charlie died.  I don’t know if I’m prepared for this.  Last week, I kept having a nagging feeling that it would be Sawyer but I really don’t think they would do that with the whole love triangle going on.  Perhaps, Jin or Sun?  That would be so sad.  I guess we’ll see.  Make sure you have the Kleenex handy!
• I have a mini work event in the middle of the day today which is also bringing me happiness.  I get a 90 min break plus free food.  Saweet.
• The day after I wrote the post about WorkSpouse I decided to ask him what was going on with the crazy girl he is seeing.  WELL, they are basically in a relationship… apparently, he made her break up with her boyfriend a couple states away.  I don’t know if I was just emotional from rehashing the whole thing on here or if it’s because my Girl Time is coming but I lost it.  I was mad and upset and I basically told him that we are not friends anymore.  My exact words were: “I just can’t look at you the same anymore.  You treated me like every other jerk I talk to and thats not okay.  I want to still be good friends but we aren’t… and I blame you for that.”  I felt lied to and mistreated and I don’t want to be friends.  Maybe that is immature but I was a really great friend to him and I feel like he does not deserve my friendship anymore. 
• To end this on a happier note, because I really am in a great mood despite the stupid boy drama, this weekend my seester graduates college!  I’ll be out of town for a few days and probably won’t be posting.  I get to see some of my family I don’t see often and I’m super excited.  I’m so proud of my sis and can’t wait until she uses her new degree in dental hygiene to benefit me with some free teeth whitening. 🙂

Example #286 Why Dating Drives Me to Drink

I want to share what went down with WorkSpouse so I can refer to it from here on out and you guys will understand.  I found this draft of a post I wrote right before it all fell apart…

March 18th

Ever since the night me and Work Spouse made out, we’ve been talking non stop.  I had assumed it was just a drunken attraction as I’ve always just looked at him as a friend. The day that really changed it was my birthday.  He couldn’t come out the night before so we made plans for him to come over on my actual birthday and play Rock Band.  After we got tired of rocking we decided to just relax and watch TV and we started cuddling and then… making out sober for the first time.  And it was good, really good.  And comfortable.  That is the night that made me stop and think.

But then the next day he mentions how he told his Mom I’m his “friend he makes out with.” YES! THE WORDS EVERY GIRL DREAMS OF HEARING. He had been sticking to the fact that we were just friends and I was off limits for the following reasons:

He doesn’t date co-workers
I just dated his friend (Meantime Man)
We’re really good friends

I’m pretty much breaking every rule the kid has about dating.  Yet what he says and what he does is not matching up.  I know he doesn’t want a relationship but he acts like were dating, all while saying we are just friends!  So now, we are just stuck in some sort of friends/dating limbo.

For instance, last night I went up to his house, met his Mom, went to dinner (he paid), he held my hand the whole way home, we tried to watch a movie and ended up hardcore making out. So we’re… friends? We’re… friends w/ benefits (although not many)? Dating? Seeing each other?

He’s only about a month out of a three year relationship. I KNOW he doesn’t want a relationship right now… wait, does that sound familiar? Does that sound like the same story as The Ex? I know, and that’s probably why I’m on the express train to Crazytown right now.

The worst part is, he is a really close friend. He KNOWS about The Crazy. He has heard me talk crazy about other boys and he doesn’t want to do that to me. He is seriously one of the best guys out there.

So the dilemma? The complete, honest to blog truth is I feel myself falling for him. I mean, he is one of my closest friends and the physical chemistry? Off the charts. So really, what more could I ask for!? But, it’s complicated.

Really complicated.

There’s the really good friendship that could get ruined.

The fact that we work together.

The fact that I just was dating/sleeping with his friend.

Most importantly, I’m just really really scared of getting hurt and that’s why The Crazy is sneaking in. I mean, that’s what causes The Crazy afterall, it’s our fears.

So, bottom line – if I feel like I will end up getting hurt, do I break it off now? Or do I try to just go with it and have fun and see what happens?

*    *     *     *     *

Well, I never even got around to posting that entry before eventually things got weird.  Well, he got weird.  Later on, we talked about it and just like I was scared of getting hurt, he was scared of getting hurt, or worse, hurting me.  It sucked.  I was disappointed. 

But, the real kicker.  The reason I kinda think he’s an asshole now is that around the same time he got weird, he starting spending all his time with another girl, who was also just his “friend.” 

She has a boyfriend who lives a couple states away.

A baby.

A baby daddy who she still sleeps with.

Cannot keep a job.

And he spends all his time with her.  It’s been, oh, a month and a half now.  And because we’re such great friends, I found out that they are sleeping together and pretty much dating, even though he told me he would never. 

And the reasoning why he’d want to be with her over me?

“Well, it’s just easy.  There’s no strings attached.  I don’t have to worry about her getting attached to me or me getting attached to her.  Plus, it could fall apart and I could never talk to her again and I wouldn’t care.  If things went bad with us, I would be so upset about losing you as a friend.”

Yada, yada, yada.  I actually got over the whole thing pretty quickly probably because I found his behavior so ridiculous and unattractive. 

Apparently, guys would rather date girls who don’t speak English (that’s over already btw) and girls who already have a boyfriend then put work into something real and THAT is frustrating as hell.

Life. Love. Bullshit.

All I have to say is TGIF people… TGI freakin F!

The Meantime Man I alluded to happened to be M.. ya know, the one I threw shoes at that one time? Well, Saturday night I went out for his birthday and watched him try to make out with our manager, you know – the one who makes guys hate Valentine’s Day. She was all over him and she knew we were hooking up too.

I have to admit that I was already over the situation with Meantime Man anyway. In fact, it was the perfect out for me. I didn’t have to feel bad because trying to kiss my manager right in front of me and my friends is disrespectful and embarassing and thank you because now I don’t feel bad for breaking things off.

Oh and I ended ud up making out with Work Spouse again… I really don’t know how I feel about that situation. Well, actually I do. I just can’t talk about it right now. It makes me nervous and happy and confused and… we’ll talk about that another day.

Tuesday. My friend broke the news that The Ex was coming to Beerfest (this event in Atlantic City that I was really looking forward to) with his g/f and they were getting there own room.

The Ex…

is coming to Beerfest…

with his girlfriend…

and they’re getting there own room.

I’m pretty sure those lines repeated over and over in my head as if a bad dream.

WHY?

She doesn’t even speak freakin English!

GEEZ LOUISEE…

He would love that though, he knows I cannot control my jealousy or tears and I bet he’d love the shit out of that situation.

So anyways, I texted him and he said he probably isn’t going… whew. And I confirmed that his spanish chiquita is now his GIRLFRIEND.

That is ridiculous.

I know I know, this is old news.

But it’s one of those things that even when you’ve prepared yourself for it, you really are not ready when it happens.

I had three mini meltdowns at my desk at work that day – damn The Ex and my lack of sleep and my freakin surplus of emotions.

I’m all better now.

Oh, and Sunday is my birthday – yay! 🙂

Oh and don’t even get me started on The Bachelor. All I have to say is, there is no excuse for breaking up with a girl on national television… even if you’re “following your heart” and you “don’t want to live with regrets.”

I don’t know about you guys but all I’m hearing is blahhh blahhh blahh I’m a dirty tramp.

Updatey Doodle

This week seemed to fly by.  Work has been crazy – it’s year end so the days are busy and a little stressful but it makes it go by fast.  However, this also means that my Google Reader is pretty out of control because of my lack of blogging time at work these days.  Also, my laptop at home has decided to stop connecting to the network so I can’t lay in bed and blog like usual either.  But I still heart all of you I’m just a little behind on my reading/commenting.  I’ll be visiting my friend this weekend so unfortunately the neglect will continue for a couple more days.  Forgive me. 🙂

So some interesting things that have occured this week?  Well, for starters, Cubie got stopped as we were walking out of Panera and asked if she would be interested in auditioning for a part in a movie.  Now, Cubie does not give any guy the time of day and so at first I think we both thought he was just trying to ask her out.  But she seemed interested (in the movie) which actually kind of surprised me. 

He explained the plot of the movie and said he was going to Africa for a few months but they would be starting on the film when he got back.  To me, it sounded like a crock of shit especially when she asked him if he had a card and he didn’t.  He gave his e-mail address and told her to e-mail him if she was interested.  So we leave and discuss the fact that he must be Googled the second we get back to our desks.  Then it dawns on me….

“Cubie, can you even act?” I asked, laughing. 

“Well, I can make myself cry but I don’t know if I’d call myself an actress.” 

“Well, do you have some hidden acting aspirations I don’t know about?” 

“No, but I have some serious modeling aspirations so I’ll take what I can get.”

We get back to work to find out that this guy is COMPLETELY legit.  I was floored.  He has an IMDB page with pics so we knew it was him and all these big movies and shows he’s worked on in the last couple years.  Pretty cool stuff!  So she e-mailed him at the end of the day and said she’d be interested in auditioning.  I thought about it afterwards and how I could never see that happening to me.  Then I realized that I don’t like being the center of attention so it doesn’t even matter, heh.

Let’s see, I’ve been talking to two guys from POF.  The first one we shall call, Surfer.  We talked a couple nights in a row on AIM for a couple hours each night and we seemed to get along well and have the same sense of humor.  Then, he asked if the next night (Wednesday) he could call me.  Err, crap, I knowww I should talk to these guys on the phone to see if we really can hold a conversation but I am soooo not a phone person.  But I gave him my number anyways and proceeded to be nervous about having to talk to a stranger all day on Wed.   Finally he calls and I contemplated not answering but then I realized that was stupid and we ended up spending two hours talking.  So it was good =).  He also taught himself to juggle… plus when he was younger he named his cat my name so maybe it’s a sign – haha, jk. 

The other guy, DK also just called me a little bit ago but he was about to drive home so he is suppose to call me when he gets back home.  We only talked for a few minutes but something about him put me at ease.  I like that. =)  Plus, he is a tennis player and I pretty much have a weakness for them. 

Anyways, we shall see.. it’s pretty fun just to have a couple of guys to talk to.  It’s exciting even if nothing comes of it.

Stay tuned… 😉

Thank the Baby Jesus It’s Friday!

I am over the moon excited that it is Friday.. this week at work has been craptastic – so stressful and frustrating. Plus, how dare they keep me so busy I can’t read and comment on my favorite blogs. 😉 But the fact that it was such a crazy week really makes it that much sweeter that it’s finally Friday.

B T W right now at 11:02am, I have a strong craving for a good ole make out sesh. Just thought I’d throw that out there.

Yea, it’s gonna be a fun post, I’m all over the place because I’m giddy. I’m giddy about spending the weekend with my amazing best friends. And I think that’s pretty fabulous. Because a week ago I was in a funk and down about being single and today I am still single and perfectly fine with it. Perspective is everything.

So I have a lot to say about online dating… AND I haven’t even actually gone on a date from it yet! Ha. But I have a story to share and a lesson learned…

Right now, I’m on Plenty of Fish – it’s a free one and I like it so far. Anyways, I get an IM and I’m talking to the guy and he’s nice and the conversation is good. At the end of the convo he asks for my number – he’d like to talk on the phone. I’m not a phone person, I wasn’t sure how interested in him I was and I felt a little pressured into giving it to him. But he did seem nice so I gave it to him.

Hello, mistake.

So then, he asks me to add him on Myspace.. already, I felt like the phone number was too much – now Myspace too. Geez, calm down. So, before I even get to add him, he goes:

“Made it simple for you.. you have a friend request waiting..”

“Oh wow… um, how did you find me?” AKA thank you for freaking me out.

I swear you guys, I have friends who can’t even find me on Myspace so uh, yea it freaked me out. I mean my name is fairly common and my town is BIG! So about that moment, I was wishing I could somehow take back the fact I gave him my number.

So later that night, he messages me that he’s sorry if he came on too strong and all this. Then he messages me on MySpace to check the message on POF. I denied his friend request – yea, kinda bitchy I know. So he tries to add me again with another message. Then yesterday he texts me. A little later calls. Then a little later calls and leaves a v-mail. Well, shit. I think I’m going to write back to his POF message later so he stops stalking me out calling. I don’t really know what to say though, which is why I ignored him in the first place.

Anyways, lesson learned right? Definitely will not be giving out my number to any guys unless I’m very interested and I’m pretty confident they will not turn into the stalkerazzi.

But, much more on online dating to come next week. And on the positive side, there are two prospects I’ve been e-mailing with that I like so far. 🙂

On the agenda for this weekend is dinner with one of the bestie’s tonight. Then Bestest is having a pocketbook party tomorrow and afterwards, going out with all my friends. Oh and getting my hair did tomorrow – I won’t tell you how long it’s been since I cut my hair – I’m embarassed.

Happy Friday party people – have a fabulous weekend!

Halloween, Twilight & The Ex…

Bloggy sidenote: Updated my About Me finally and added a new Quotes page!

I know it’s been pretty heavy around my blog the last week so I think it’s time to lighten the mood and catch up on Halloween and the stuff I didn’t get a chance to write about. First of all, my company is crazy and they made us dress up for Halloween on Thurs instead of Friday – that makes SO much sense, right?  Cubie and I were dressing up as 80’s chicks and we were excited about it so we still dressed up although I was disappointed not to be dressing up on Halloween. As I walked out of the house at 8am on THURSDAY, the day BEFORE Halloween, all my neighbors were outside waiting for their little kiddies to get on the bus. I’m SURE I didn’t look crazy or anything! 

Cubie really makes me look like a lil midge but I’m actally 5’4″ lol.  And I was totally rockin a half side pony teased – it was hot.  😉

And here is how my pumpkin came out.. (okay, obviously I cheated and used a pattern – next year I will try to do it on my own! This was the first pumpkin I’ve ever carved!)

Another random note, I’m totally on board the Twilight bandwagon.  I love and I mean LOVE the books so far (currently on New Moon).  I just really love the connection between Bella and Edward… sigh, love.

* * * * *

Which reminds me… I never even got to mention that The Ex (If your new you can find some of the latest here, here and here) was going to be on the cruise I was going on.  It’s probably for the best I didn’t have to spend a week with him on vacation (the same way we met). Actually, the last day or two I have been thinking about him. I just really want to move on completely from him and I feel like the hold he’s had on me is beginning to slip. It feels so good. Somehow, I’ve stopped thinking the what if’s:

What if he could just commit? What if he would just grow up? What if he wanted to be in a relationship, would things work out?

I’m sick of these questions and I realized, I don’t want to ask them anymore. I feel like for the first time I really can see him and the situation clearly and I don’t know what has kept me hanging on for so long.  Sure we had a strong connection, we had so much fun together.. we were always laughing (when we weren’t fighting) and I love him as a person but I want more for me. There are fundamental things about him that will never change – unless HE decides he wants them too. He’s not motivated, he’s selfish and he’s not very thoughtful. And you know what those are some pretty BIG things. So I’m finally at this point where I can learn from the situation and keep moving forward, and you know what? It feels pretty damn good.

Work Spouse

Today marks my one year anniversary with my work spouse and the one year I have been at my job. A work spouse is a damn good thing to have, and mine is particularly fabulous. A work spouse is much like a gay best friend, just minus the gay part. I think every work marriage is different but mine goes a little like this:

He tells me I look beautiful and he is one of the few people that I feel like truly means it. He’s also pretty much the only guy I hear it from these days but when I come in sleepy and cranky, it feels damn good.

He knows I can be crazy, cranky, bitchy, needy but he loves me anyway.

He listens to me vent about everything – the boy I made out with over the weekend, the fight I got into with my friend, the stupid order sitting on my desk that I don’t know what to do about.

He gives me great advice. Whether he’s helping me solve a work related problem or explaining to me the fact that “boys don’t like to talk. Never say to a boy that you need to talk or they will avoid seeing you. Ask him to hang out, get him in person, then lay it on him.” Such a smart boy, my Work Spouse.

On our first date, M told me that WS had warned him “if you hurt her, I’ll kill you… I’m serious.” I let M know that in fact, WS was being completely serious.

It’s WS that is there when I need a dollar for a redbull.

WS is there to walk down to the cafeteria when I don’t want to go by myself.

WS is there to sit next to at the team meetings, team dinners, and team events.

WS is there to have in depth conversations about our favorite show, LOST.

And today, he brought me a rose for the one year we’ve been at the company:

And of course, I fulfill my duties as a work spouse as well.

I listen to WS talk about his on again, off again g/f.

I notice when he loses weight/has been working out and I tell him.

I made a sign for his cube just to make him smile.

I come by his desk and rub his head when he looks completely stress out.

Now that I think about it, it just might be the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with a man.

And Another One Bites the Dust

Ahh.. dating, I loathe you. So I have not written in almost two weeks and that’s annoying because a lot has been going on, particularly with the guy from work, M. So I guess now I have to go back to how the first date went. It was fun and comfortable. He cooked dinner and we talked for an hour or two and the conversation was easy. Then we went to watch a movie and he made his move lol. So we kissed and I was unsure how I felt about it. Did I like him like that? Are we better just friends? He’s not FirstLove. Yea, so many annoying thoughts. But by the end of the night, I felt comfortable cuddling and kissing him and knew I would want to hang out with him again if he wanted to. Although, I still wasn’t sure how I felt about him and the whole working together deal.

The next day at work, he was coming on very strong and it freaked me out a bit. I have a tendency to push guys away when they are too into me. I guess someone who is confusing just intrigues me more. Anyways, that week he continued to call me consistently and was pretty obvious about his feelings. He was thoughtful and would surprise me with little things at my desk, such as a bagel for breakfast. By the end of the week, my feelings had grown and I was quite into him as well. We hung out on Thursday night after work and then spent the 4th of July together (saw fireworks together hehe).

However, things were different this week. It all started on Monday, when he broke our plans for what may have been a legitimate reason, however, I did not believe him. The way he told me, the way he didn’t call that night, and the feeling I had in my gut, I just couldn’t believe him but of course I did not say anything to him about it. I felt like he was being wishy washy, like he was interested but I felt like he was being lazy, like maybe the two weeks before was more of an act just to get me to fall for him. I began to feel by his actions and his words that maybe all he was after was sex. And I was not about to get myself into that kind of situation.

Yesterday, after he asked if I would be interested in fooling around in his car, which may have just been a joke but I was sick of those jokes, I needed to say something. Oh, and we have not fooled around at all yet and I thought I had been pretty clear that I am not like a casual hookup kind of girl. Anyways, I just got so bothered by it and I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I said, “I think maybe all you want from me is sex.” The way he handled it was horrendous. He was immature, insensitive, and defensive. His initial response was “I don’t have time for your ridiculousness.”

“Well, I don’t think its ridiculous and you didn’t even say I was wrong!”

“Don’t have time..”

“Fine.”

“If you want we can just stop talking..”

“Well, is all you want sex?”

“NO, why are you being weird”

“I’m not trying to be weird. I’m just saying that I know that I don’t want a fuck buddy and if that is what you want or what you are looking for then I don’t want to get myself into that situation.”

He really made no attempt to try to reassure me that he was interested in getting to know me. Yes, he said “NO” when I asked if sex is all he wants but shoudn’t he have had more to say about it? He acted like I was wrong for talking about what was bothering me. He reminded me of the way The Ex treated me. I know I should have ended that convo with I think we are done but I didn’t. I actually have no idea where we stand but I guess it doesn’t matter.

I’m just very disappointed, really. Here was a guy who I thought was my FRIEND. Who pursued me persistently and acted like he was really interested in ME. I thought he seemed very different from Kevin. I thought he seemed like someone who could be caring and thoughtful. But I don’t think who he really is, lived up to my expectations. And its not that I have strong feelings for him or anything, but I am upset because it’s ANOTHER disappointment. It makes me feel like, WHY DID I EVEN GIVE YOU A CHANCE! Guys consistently disappoint me and then my first instinct is to blame myself.

I’m only 23, I do NOT want to be bitter/cynical already!

My Boys

I was suppose to go out tonight but I got tired of waiting for my friends and decided I’d rather continue watching the My Boys marathon on TBS and stay in. Let me just say, I freakin love this show. Maybe I find it so fascinating because I don’t really have that many guy friends. I’ve always just had more girlfriends. Actually, correction, I do have guy friends but they are almost all gay, or at least very in touch with their feminine side. I guess I’m quite the girly girl. I love my pop culture gossip, chick lit, chick flicks, manicures and shopping. Haha, see with a list like that I guess its obvious why I get along better with females and the gays. However, I also enjoy sporting events (however, I can’t handle full out sports debate), mosh pits, playing tennis, working out… I mean, its not like I can’t relate to guys at all. Its just usually if I find a guy I connect with it turns out to be romantic but anyways…

I have a date tomorrow with the guy from work, M. Here’s why I am so cautious of this situation. He dated a girl for 6 months, got engaged, they lived together for about 4 months and now they are done. And I mean it ended very recently, within the last month. This is red flag #1. Next, we work very closely together. It’s not like we are in different departments, we interact on a daily basis. So, if the shit hits the fan (which with my track record is what will most likely happen) then it could make for a very awkward work situation. However, it is just one date and he just asked me so cutely. AND he wanted to cook me dinner. Oh, AND he makes me laugh… so I felt like I had to at least go and see what happens. I’m nervous.. but also excited.

Workin It at Work

I think I may have found a new addiction- working out. Seriously, I feel like I’m on a high when I get back from the gym. I mean, I always remembered Elle saying in Legally Blonde, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t. ” Well, Elle, you are a very wise girl. I took my first kickboxing class tonight. It was fun and a great workout. It took me a few minutes for my coordination to kick in but I got the hang of it and I’ll be going again.

Speaking of working out, me and B came up with a fabulous idea at work today. We are going to come up with a whole workout that can be done while we are bored sitting in our cubes (yes, this is how we spend our days). Actually, we spent more time laughing about how we were going to make a DVD called “Workin it at Work” and record an infomercial. And how we would have them reconstruct our cube. Well, we don’t quite know all the exercises that will be included but of course abs, butt, arms, legs, and we figured we should throw in the kegal exercises too. 😉

Other than that, PP did NOT text me again, thankfully. He must have come to his senses.

In other boy news, there is some flirtation going on with a guy at work.. however, the situation is quite complicated. I will save the explanation for another night.

Oh wait, one more random thought of the day. Are there any So You Think You Can Dance Fans out there?? I have to say, I LOVED Chelsie and Mark’s “Bleeding Love” dance. I love when I can feel the emotion pouring out of dancers bodies. Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovjAuBuepVA

And if you want, check out my favorite dance from last season here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEguAROS4tw

Let me know if your a fellow fan of the show!