Category Archives: The Ex

Because I had 14 minutes to spare at work…

I don’t normally like to talk about my dreams too much.  I don’t even enjoy hearing about dreams that much unless I’m being asked to dissect the meaning of them, which can be kind of fun.  But mostly, it’s always a bit anticlimactic – I mean, this stuff didn’t really happen so I’m usually just like “yea, that is a weird dream” and thats about it.  However, I had an interesting dream that I remember pretty vividly the other night.  And I’m gonna share it and you guys will probably be all “yea, that is weird” just like I usually say at the end of dream stories and move on with your lives, but I’m gonna share it anyway lol.  Cubie thinks this one is a bit telling of my inner secret thoughts.

So, the dream starts off with Boyfriend proposing to me.  I don’t even think it was suppose to be in the future, it was like now – just 3-4 months in, but I said yes and was happy, although I knew it was fast.  Then all the sudden it is another day and I’m on a deck in the summertime and The Ex comes up to me and gets down on one knee.  He starts to propose to me but when he grabs my hand, he sees the ring from The Ex and gets upset/mad.  He starts crying and keeps asking “Why? Why would you do that when you KNEW I was going to propose to you!?!” 

I feel bad and I’m shocked to see him showing EMOTION but I just look at him and say matter of factly, “yes, but why would I ever believe you?”

I give him a hug and tell him I’m sorry but I’m marrying Boyfriend. 

Then for some reason, I have a really quick wedding and it isn’t at all how I want it.  And my hair in particular is just AWFUL and I’m SO UPSET because you only get one wedding and mine is just terrible and not at all how I wanted it.  Even my Mom & sister tell me my hair looks like crap.

And then I woke up genuinely upset/relieved over this dream.  Mostly relieved that I didn’t really have awful, awful hair on my wedding day.

Whew.

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Filed under Boyfriend <3, Random Thoughts, Relationships, The Ex

Because I Think This Should Be Documented

Saturday night found me at my best friend’s engagement party.  I was there with my boyfriend.  The Ex was there with his 33 yr old woman friend. 

And I was okay.

Nope, I was great.

In fact, I found myself to be so deliriously happy with my boyfriend that I could not and would not let The Ex bring me down in the least.

And that my friends, is pretty fucking fantastic.

Because I didn’t know if I ever would get here.

And yet, here I am.

The End.

9 Comments

Filed under Honest to blog, Relationships, The Ex

Why?

Why does my heart still want someone who is completely wrong for me?  Someone who does not treat me how I deserve?

Why does my heart still think he will change?  Why does it think he can change and be the type of man I want to be with?  

Why does my heart always seem to win in a battle versus my head?

Why is it still hard to ignore his text messages?

Why does my stomache turn to knots when I think about him with another girl?  Why do I still feel sucker punched when I see a girl flirting with him through facebook?

Why can’t I cut him out of my life? 

Why do we have to have mutual friends? 

Why does he need to be at every happy event surrounding my best friend’s wedding in the next two years?

Why can’t the last bit of me thats holding on, finally let go?

Why can’t this story be over?

Why can’t the lingering stop?

Why can’t I just be stronger?

Why?

9 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, Honest to blog, My Crazy Thoughts, Relationships, The Ex

For the First Time in a Long Time…

I feel happy being completely on my own…

I have things I want to accomplish and a plan to get them done…

The Ex doesn’t seem to have the same hold over me…

I see situations and people for exactly who they truly are…

I realize that I have issues I need to work out before I can be in a healthy relationship..

I am trying to focus on the positive rather than the things my life is lacking…

I am focused on making myself happy rather than looking for happiness in someone else…

I am looking for the positive perspective in every situation…

I really want to write and share with my blog friends again. 🙂

14 Comments

Filed under About Me, Relationships, The Ex, This is my life

Life. Love. Bullshit.

All I have to say is TGIF people… TGI freakin F!

The Meantime Man I alluded to happened to be M.. ya know, the one I threw shoes at that one time? Well, Saturday night I went out for his birthday and watched him try to make out with our manager, you know – the one who makes guys hate Valentine’s Day. She was all over him and she knew we were hooking up too.

I have to admit that I was already over the situation with Meantime Man anyway. In fact, it was the perfect out for me. I didn’t have to feel bad because trying to kiss my manager right in front of me and my friends is disrespectful and embarassing and thank you because now I don’t feel bad for breaking things off.

Oh and I ended ud up making out with Work Spouse again… I really don’t know how I feel about that situation. Well, actually I do. I just can’t talk about it right now. It makes me nervous and happy and confused and… we’ll talk about that another day.

Tuesday. My friend broke the news that The Ex was coming to Beerfest (this event in Atlantic City that I was really looking forward to) with his g/f and they were getting there own room.

The Ex…

is coming to Beerfest…

with his girlfriend…

and they’re getting there own room.

I’m pretty sure those lines repeated over and over in my head as if a bad dream.

WHY?

She doesn’t even speak freakin English!

GEEZ LOUISEE…

He would love that though, he knows I cannot control my jealousy or tears and I bet he’d love the shit out of that situation.

So anyways, I texted him and he said he probably isn’t going… whew. And I confirmed that his spanish chiquita is now his GIRLFRIEND.

That is ridiculous.

I know I know, this is old news.

But it’s one of those things that even when you’ve prepared yourself for it, you really are not ready when it happens.

I had three mini meltdowns at my desk at work that day – damn The Ex and my lack of sleep and my freakin surplus of emotions.

I’m all better now.

Oh, and Sunday is my birthday – yay! 🙂

Oh and don’t even get me started on The Bachelor. All I have to say is, there is no excuse for breaking up with a girl on national television… even if you’re “following your heart” and you “don’t want to live with regrets.”

I don’t know about you guys but all I’m hearing is blahhh blahhh blahh I’m a dirty tramp.

11 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, Cubicle Life, Dating Stories, Drunken Shenanigans, Relationships, single life, The Ex, This is my life

Well, She Doesn’t Speak English

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my love life is straight up comically tragic most of the time. Really, I couldn’t make this stuff up if I wanted to. Before I get into this story, let’s recap me and The Ex, which is no easy feat. We were together in some way for about a year, it was always changing and always dramatic. The basis of most of our problems was the fact that he felt that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I met him when he was about 2 months out of a three year relationship and he told me from the beginning that he just couldn’t commit. It was never about being faithful but more the other aspects of relationships. But we still tried to make it work although obviously when two people want different things how can it work? We pretty much ended things in April/May but since then he still tells me he cares about me/likes me/would want to be with me but just can’t commit. Things were over but still lingered. Although lately, I’ve been very strong about not talking to him.

So on Saturday night, I’m out with all my friends at a party which The Ex did not attend. I was around all his friends and it made me miss him. I hadn’t talked to him since I ignored his texts so when I got home around 1am, in my tipsy state I decided to text him. Okay, honestly, I also had a weird feeling maybe he was out with a girl and it was bothering me. When I asked what he did that night he tells me he “went out, but not drinking or anything.”

Hmmm… that doesn’t sound like him… out but not drinking?

“Oh… were you on a hot date?”

Insert his expert question avoider skills here but eventually he says,

“Yes, I was out with a girl.”

Cue the waterworks. I knew he wouldn’t take out a girl unless he really liked her.

Then he asks me,

”So why text me tonight?”

“I was just thinking about you… while you were out on your hot date.”

“Little jealous?”

“Are you surprised?”

”No, but I just enjoy it.”

“That’s really mean.. why would you enjoy me being unhappy”

“No not unhappy.. just jealous.. not unhappy.. and it makes me feel wanted.”

“I know you claim to have never felt jealousy before so I’ll let you in on a little secret.. it’s not a happy feeling.”

”Ohhh, you learn something new everyday.”

Cut to the next morning…

“So, do you want this girl to be your girlfriend?”

“Why would you ask me that?”

“Because I don’t want to be surprised…”

“What do you mean surprised?”

“I mean, I don’t want to hear out of the blue you have a girlfriend…”

“So if she’s my girlfriend, you want me to tell you first, I’m confused, lol.”

“No, I mean I want you to tell me if you’re planning on making her your girlfriend so that I can prepare.”

“Why would you need to prepare?”

”Because for the last year and a half you’ve been telling me you didn’t want a girlfriend and I believed you…”

“Well, I wasn’t lying but maybe you should prepare yourself then.”

“So NOW you’re ready for a real relationship? Obviously, you just didn’t want to be with me then and I wish you had just been honest with me.”

“But that’s not the case.. it had nothing to do with you.”

“You just didn’t want to be with me… WHY ELSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE NOW?”

“Well, she doesn’t speak English.”

I’m going to pause here for effect.

Let that sink in.

Okay.

Continue…

“That’s cool.”

“Wow, you aren’t even going to ask how I talk to her? lol”

“Maybe there is no talking.”

”No, turns out I can speak Spanish, who knew.” (Sidenote: he has a thing for Spanish girls… oh and in actuality he barely knows any spanish)

“Figured. Well, you knew I was never turning into a Spanish girl.”

”I knew that. Don’t take this all personal.. I really do like you.”

“It is personal. Clearly, you didn’t like me that much, the jig is up!”

“I didn’t realize I was doing a jig…”

“I want you to be happy but I feel really foolish and stupid and it hurts.”

The End.

She’s only been in the US for 2 or 3 months and works in the kitchen of his restaurant. It makes me nauseous that I can care about someone who would rather settle for a relationship in which there is little communication.

When I think about it, I do get it. The language barrier will allow him to avoid the aspects of a relationship he doesn’t want to deal with. He doesn’t want to have a girl get close to his family, check, the girl can’t even talk to his family! He doesn’t have to worry about talking about serious feelings because hey, there lucky if they can talk about the weather.

But honestly, this all kind of feels like a bad joke.

21 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, Past loves, Relationships, The Ex, This is my life, Why I shouldn't drink

Whaddya Think Bloggy Buds?

Over the last two days, I’ve recieved the following texts from The Ex:

Tues, 4:59pm
Hey, how are you?

Tues, 5:20pm
No talk to me?

Tues, 6:26
Maybe it’s me… but if you are ignoring me can you tell me why please?

Wed, 4:05pm
Not cool.. I didn’t do anything…

Really, I wasn’t even ignoring the first two, I was just at work and didn’t have a chance to respond. But then I thought about it and really, what is there to talk about? The last time I saw him (about 3 weeks ago at the party) we fought, he made me cry and he made me feel like I was crazy. And I’m mad.. it’s been 2 1/2 weeks and I’m still mad, not just about that night but about everything.

Anyway, I think he knew that something wasn’t right because he thought I was ignoring him after a mere 20 minutes – guilty conscious?

So… should I keep ignoring him? Should I tell him I don’t want to talk? Should I tell him to chill out, I’ve just been busy? What do you think?

Keep in mind that I can’t just cut him out of my life completely… I will have to see him again since he is very good friends with my best friend’s boyfriend… but hopefully I won’t see him anytime soon.

12 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, Dating Stories, The Ex