Category Archives: Boys are Dumb

Please Hold, While I Have a Fucking Moment

God, Facebook is the Devil sometimes.

I hate it.

Hate, hate, hate it.

I was having a really good day.  I was ready to come on here tonight and tell you guys how date #3 went really well.  In fact, at the end of the night, I didn’t even want to leave.  I was perfectly content all wrapped up in his arms.

Then tonight, I went on Facebook and decided to torture myself by looking at The Ex’s page (I have him hidden from my newsfeed which really does nothing except cause me to actually go to his profile in order to stalk him out, which I do practically every day, sad I know).  It had been a couple days though but lately there’s been this girl.  This girl leaving comments on every status update… inside jokes and comments that led me to believe they were dating.

Tonight, I have decided it’s definite.  And I hate that I care.  We’ve been over for a long time… well, we did have another fling in May which maybe is why I still care.  But either way, I KNOW deep down he is NOT the guy for me.  I gave so much to someone who gave so little.  He does not deserve me, even he would try to convince me of this.

But back to the moment I had, after I saw the comments, I felt sucker punched.  I got nauseous and shaky.  I closed the window and tried to compose myself by thinking of all his flaws and the mean things he’s said and done to me.  Somehow my attention shifted to the New Boy.  And all of the sudden I was all Negative Nancy about it.  All FORGET IT! I’m better off alone, without ANYONE!! Fuck guys!! Being all super dramatic in my head.  Cursing all guys ever born.

I’ve calmed down now… I’m feeling slightly better.  I know that he can’t make me happy but it doesn’t stop it from hurting.  Knowing maybe he could be the guy I imagined he was for some other girl.  But the truth is, he will probably treat her the same shitty way.  Only thinking of himself, only doing the things that benefit him, calling all the shots.  I don’t want that.  I don’t and I know it.

But still, if I need to actually see this in the near future at a party, well, I’m just not ready for that yet.

P.S. I have the best bloggy buds ever, thanks so much for the feedback on the last post!  🙂

Advertisements

8 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, Dating Stories, Honest to blog, My Crazy, The Ex is a douchebag.. the end, When the CraZy takes over

Why?

Why does my heart still want someone who is completely wrong for me?  Someone who does not treat me how I deserve?

Why does my heart still think he will change?  Why does it think he can change and be the type of man I want to be with?  

Why does my heart always seem to win in a battle versus my head?

Why is it still hard to ignore his text messages?

Why does my stomache turn to knots when I think about him with another girl?  Why do I still feel sucker punched when I see a girl flirting with him through facebook?

Why can’t I cut him out of my life? 

Why do we have to have mutual friends? 

Why does he need to be at every happy event surrounding my best friend’s wedding in the next two years?

Why can’t the last bit of me thats holding on, finally let go?

Why can’t this story be over?

Why can’t the lingering stop?

Why can’t I just be stronger?

Why?

9 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, Honest to blog, My Crazy Thoughts, Relationships, The Ex

LOST, LOST, LOST… Oh and an Update on WorkSpouse

I think it’s a bullet post kind of day… partially because I’m posting from work and partially because my head is filled with so many thoughts of LOST I can barely function. 🙂

  • Right now, I can hardly contain my excitement for the LOST finale tonight.  I really think it’s going to be amazing.  From what I’ve been hearing from interviews with the producers and castmates, there are two big shockers at the end and one will leave us wondering how the show will even go on! 
  • Also, any guesses for who the major death is going to be?  It’s supposedly going to be as sad as when Charlie died.  I don’t know if I’m prepared for this.  Last week, I kept having a nagging feeling that it would be Sawyer but I really don’t think they would do that with the whole love triangle going on.  Perhaps, Jin or Sun?  That would be so sad.  I guess we’ll see.  Make sure you have the Kleenex handy!
  • I have a mini work event in the middle of the day today which is also bringing me happiness.  I get a 90 min break plus free food.  Saweet.
  • The day after I wrote the post about WorkSpouse I decided to ask him what was going on with the crazy girl he is seeing.  WELL, they are basically in a relationship… apparently, he made her break up with her boyfriend a couple states away.  I don’t know if I was just emotional from rehashing the whole thing on here or if it’s because my Girl Time is coming but I lost it.  I was mad and upset and I basically told him that we are not friends anymore.  My exact words were: “I just can’t look at you the same anymore.  You treated me like every other jerk I talk to and thats not okay.  I want to still be good friends but we aren’t… and I blame you for that.”  I felt lied to and mistreated and I don’t want to be friends.  Maybe that is immature but I was a really great friend to him and I feel like he does not deserve my friendship anymore. 
  • To end this on a happier note, because I really am in a great mood despite the stupid boy drama, this weekend my seester graduates college!  I’ll be out of town for a few days and probably won’t be posting.  I get to see some of my family I don’t see often and I’m super excited.  I’m so proud of my sis and can’t wait until she uses her new degree in dental hygiene to benefit me with some free teeth whitening. 🙂

5 Comments

Filed under All Things Listy, Boys are Dumb, Cubicle Life, Life as a Couch Potato, My Crazy, single life

Example #286 Why Dating Drives Me to Drink

I want to share what went down with WorkSpouse so I can refer to it from here on out and you guys will understand.  I found this draft of a post I wrote right before it all fell apart…

March 18th

Ever since the night me and Work Spouse made out, we’ve been talking non stop.  I had assumed it was just a drunken attraction as I’ve always just looked at him as a friend. The day that really changed it was my birthday.  He couldn’t come out the night before so we made plans for him to come over on my actual birthday and play Rock Band.  After we got tired of rocking we decided to just relax and watch TV and we started cuddling and then… making out sober for the first time.  And it was good, really good.  And comfortable.  That is the night that made me stop and think.

But then the next day he mentions how he told his Mom I’m his “friend he makes out with.” YES! THE WORDS EVERY GIRL DREAMS OF HEARING. He had been sticking to the fact that we were just friends and I was off limits for the following reasons:

He doesn’t date co-workers
I just dated his friend (Meantime Man)
We’re really good friends

I’m pretty much breaking every rule the kid has about dating.  Yet what he says and what he does is not matching up.  I know he doesn’t want a relationship but he acts like were dating, all while saying we are just friends!  So now, we are just stuck in some sort of friends/dating limbo.

For instance, last night I went up to his house, met his Mom, went to dinner (he paid), he held my hand the whole way home, we tried to watch a movie and ended up hardcore making out. So we’re… friends? We’re… friends w/ benefits (although not many)? Dating? Seeing each other?

He’s only about a month out of a three year relationship. I KNOW he doesn’t want a relationship right now… wait, does that sound familiar? Does that sound like the same story as The Ex? I know, and that’s probably why I’m on the express train to Crazytown right now.

The worst part is, he is a really close friend. He KNOWS about The Crazy. He has heard me talk crazy about other boys and he doesn’t want to do that to me. He is seriously one of the best guys out there.

So the dilemma? The complete, honest to blog truth is I feel myself falling for him. I mean, he is one of my closest friends and the physical chemistry? Off the charts. So really, what more could I ask for!? But, it’s complicated.

Really complicated.

There’s the really good friendship that could get ruined.

The fact that we work together.

The fact that I just was dating/sleeping with his friend.

Most importantly, I’m just really really scared of getting hurt and that’s why The Crazy is sneaking in. I mean, that’s what causes The Crazy afterall, it’s our fears.

So, bottom line – if I feel like I will end up getting hurt, do I break it off now? Or do I try to just go with it and have fun and see what happens?

*    *     *     *     *

Well, I never even got around to posting that entry before eventually things got weird.  Well, he got weird.  Later on, we talked about it and just like I was scared of getting hurt, he was scared of getting hurt, or worse, hurting me.  It sucked.  I was disappointed. 

But, the real kicker.  The reason I kinda think he’s an asshole now is that around the same time he got weird, he starting spending all his time with another girl, who was also just his “friend.” 

She has a boyfriend who lives a couple states away.

A baby.

A baby daddy who she still sleeps with.

Cannot keep a job.

And he spends all his time with her.  It’s been, oh, a month and a half now.  And because we’re such great friends, I found out that they are sleeping together and pretty much dating, even though he told me he would never. 

And the reasoning why he’d want to be with her over me?

“Well, it’s just easy.  There’s no strings attached.  I don’t have to worry about her getting attached to me or me getting attached to her.  Plus, it could fall apart and I could never talk to her again and I wouldn’t care.  If things went bad with us, I would be so upset about losing you as a friend.”

Yada, yada, yada.  I actually got over the whole thing pretty quickly probably because I found his behavior so ridiculous and unattractive. 

Apparently, guys would rather date girls who don’t speak English (that’s over already btw) and girls who already have a boyfriend then put work into something real and THAT is frustrating as hell.

19 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, Cubicle Life, Dating Stories, When the CraZy takes over

A Smorgasbord of Information :)

Hello, lovahs.. how are you?  I actually just recovered this post from last night which I typed out twice and thought I lost both times.  In reality, the reason I couldn’t locate it in my drafts was because I went to create a new PAGE instead of a new POST… total blonde moment. 🙂

Anyways, right after I typed a sentence about how my Dad fixed my laptop, I lifted up my laptop only to hear.. CRACK…

Oh damn, the whole right side of the monitor part broke away from the keyboard (try to picture that for a minute, it’s NOT GOOD PEOPLE!)  I have it semi fixed now but ugh, just my luck.  I’m buying a new laptop and giving this one to my parents and Dad will NOT be pleased about this.

Anyways, hi, how are you?  It’s been awhile.

I am officially ending my bloggy hiatus.  At first I stopped writing when I was sort of dating Work Spouse, which was short lived.  Without going into detail right now, he ended up disappointing me like most guys do and it really did hit a nerve.  But I found myself not wanting to write about it.  I didn’t want to sound like a broken record complaining about my latest failed dating disaster.

So, I stopped writing and processed things on my own.

Which lead to where I’m at right now, which is content… no, better than content, I’m happy.  And I mean it.  I realized there are many things I need to work on before I’m ready to be in a relationship and so I’m focusing 100% on me and I gotta say, it feels pretty damn good.

You know what else feels good?  Sharing some tidbits so without further ado I’m bringing back Tidbit Tuesdays:

  • I’ve been battling with insomnia lately.  Actually, I went to California a week and a half ago and I think my body just never really adjusted back to East Coast time.  It’s super frustrating but LA was awesome!
  • I ran into Speidi on the street in Santa Monica!  I actually wanted to go up to the dastardly bastard with the flesh colored beard and tell him I thought he was a douche but I kept myself in check.  I bet some people really do things like that to them though.
  • My 14 yr old self’s dream came true when I found myself at the same bar as this guy…

  • Yes, that is my favorite member of NSYNC JC Chasez, heh.  However, my friends refused to allow me to go over and talk to him.  I should have just done it anyway!  Since when do I listen to them anyways.
  • Oh, which reminds me,  I also ran into Perez Hilton in AC about a month ago.  I’ve been quite the celebustalker, huh?  They told me not to talk to him either but I didn’t listen.  I moseyed on over to him and told him I read his blog all the time when I’m at work and I don’t feel like doing work… (shhh, its a secret)  Btw, Perez is awesome, he was so nice.
  • While in LA, I held a real Oscar (they are HEAVY!)  and met an Oscar winner.
  • I also had a gay man lick up his drink off my leg and then bite it.  I told Banana if I didn’t know better I would have thought he wanted me, heh.

Now, go on and share a tidbit or two with me!  I missed you guys!

7 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, Drunken Shenanigans, This is my life, Tidbit Tuesday

Life. Love. Bullshit.

All I have to say is TGIF people… TGI freakin F!

The Meantime Man I alluded to happened to be M.. ya know, the one I threw shoes at that one time? Well, Saturday night I went out for his birthday and watched him try to make out with our manager, you know – the one who makes guys hate Valentine’s Day. She was all over him and she knew we were hooking up too.

I have to admit that I was already over the situation with Meantime Man anyway. In fact, it was the perfect out for me. I didn’t have to feel bad because trying to kiss my manager right in front of me and my friends is disrespectful and embarassing and thank you because now I don’t feel bad for breaking things off.

Oh and I ended ud up making out with Work Spouse again… I really don’t know how I feel about that situation. Well, actually I do. I just can’t talk about it right now. It makes me nervous and happy and confused and… we’ll talk about that another day.

Tuesday. My friend broke the news that The Ex was coming to Beerfest (this event in Atlantic City that I was really looking forward to) with his g/f and they were getting there own room.

The Ex…

is coming to Beerfest…

with his girlfriend…

and they’re getting there own room.

I’m pretty sure those lines repeated over and over in my head as if a bad dream.

WHY?

She doesn’t even speak freakin English!

GEEZ LOUISEE…

He would love that though, he knows I cannot control my jealousy or tears and I bet he’d love the shit out of that situation.

So anyways, I texted him and he said he probably isn’t going… whew. And I confirmed that his spanish chiquita is now his GIRLFRIEND.

That is ridiculous.

I know I know, this is old news.

But it’s one of those things that even when you’ve prepared yourself for it, you really are not ready when it happens.

I had three mini meltdowns at my desk at work that day – damn The Ex and my lack of sleep and my freakin surplus of emotions.

I’m all better now.

Oh, and Sunday is my birthday – yay! 🙂

Oh and don’t even get me started on The Bachelor. All I have to say is, there is no excuse for breaking up with a girl on national television… even if you’re “following your heart” and you “don’t want to live with regrets.”

I don’t know about you guys but all I’m hearing is blahhh blahhh blahh I’m a dirty tramp.

11 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, Cubicle Life, Dating Stories, Drunken Shenanigans, Relationships, single life, The Ex, This is my life

The One Where He Whipped It Out

As if finding out my ex boyfriend has a new Spanish, non English speaking lover he plans on making his GIRLFRIEND wasn’t enough excitement for one weekend, last Friday I also had a date with a guy I met on Match. We had been talking for a week or two and the conversation on the phone flowed really well and I was really looking forward to meeting him.

So last Friday night, I drove 45 minutes up to Hoboken to meet him since he lives in a city and does not have a car. I was pleasantly surprised when I got out of the car and saw him. He was as cute as his pictures although did look a little older in person – he was 31.

We found a cute little bar and sat in the corner table by the window drinking Blue Moon. Conversation flowed easily, like it did on the phone. We laughed a lot and when our legs grazed against each other it felt comfortable to let them stay touching.  After a couple beers, he asked if I wanted to go back to his apartment and watch a movie.  Movie – fine.  Kissing – fine.  Cuddling – fine.  But was that what he had in mind?  I really didn’t want the date to end so I agreed.

We got comfortable on the couch and he put his arm around me and I snuggled close to him.  I knew he wanted to kiss me and it only was a couple minutes before I looked up at him and he went in for the kiss.

“You’re a good kisser” he whispered.

“You’re not so bad yourself..”

We kiss for a minute before I turn back to the TV and get comfortable.  I try to watch the movie but it’s pretty clear he’d rather kiss and I’m all for some good kissing but I knew that it wouldn’t go any further than that and I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

He turned my face back to him and started kissing me again and then his hand made its way to my chest… I took his hand and moved it down to my hip and continued kissing him.  No harm, no foul – I have a nice rack, I couldn’t really blame the kid that much ;).  Anyways, about one minute later.. his hand finds his way right back to my chest.  This time I move his hand and playfully say no. 

So I try to go back to watching the movie but eventually he initiates some more kissing and yep, some more boob grabbing.  This time, I’m annoyed.

“Excuse me, but don’t you think that’s disrespectful?”

“What?”

“Well, I’m telling you NO and you keep doing it.  I find that extremely disrespectful.”

“I wouldn’t say disrespectful… It’s just… I just, really don’t want to listen… I”m just really attracted to you.”

“Well, I’m attracted to you too but it’s our first date and I’m saying NO and I really don’t like that you are not listening.”

“But the thing is, that I feel like there’s this mutual chemistry between us… and I just think we can have fun without doing anything serious.”

“It’s great you’re attracted to me but when I say no I mean no.  And yes, this is innocent but still, I don’t like when I’m not listened to.”

“Okay, I’m sorry I’m not trying to offend you… I’m just a very sexual person.”

“Well, I’m not saying I’m NOT a sexual person.  But this is our first date and I need to do things in my own time.”

And just like that a date went from great to ruined.  But there’s more.

We go back to watching the movie and eventually the kissing starts up again and I give in to some second base action although I really shouldn’t have.  Actually, I probably should have just left after the first conversation about not listening but it was all pretty innocent.   

“Omg, you have me so excited…” he says.

“Ok, well you did it to yourself buddy…”

“No, you got me so excited.. you want to feel it?”

“Um, no.”

“You want to see it real quick?”

“NO.  I’m gonna go to the bathroom and then I think it’s time for me to leave.”

So I go to the bathroom and when I come out he is standing in the living room waiting for me. 

“Omg, I am so excited…” 

And that’s when I see him reaching for the zipper of his pants… And then he freakin whips it out.  Upon seeing my look of disgust, he puts it away and apologizes for going to far. 

I put on my coat in silence.  Put my Uggs back on in silence.  Grab my purse and start down the stairs without any regard to how far behind me he is.  We walk to my car in silence. 

“Okay, well.. goodnight” I manage to say. 

“Would you want to hang out again sometime?”

Honestly, I really wish that I could see a picture of what my face looked like at this moment.

“Um, okay well think about it.” He says.

I get into my car and reflect on the ridiculousness that is my love life.  Honestly, how could someone seem so nice but actually be such a sleeze?  I wondered if he thought that because I was younger, he thought it would be easy to take advantage of me. 

ALSO, what happened to the days when a guy was lucky if a girl would KISS on the first date? 

Anyways, I’ve learned my lesson – I won’t be accepting anymore invitations back to a guys apartment on the first date.  I should have known his intentions but I guess I like to have a little more faith in people.

Anyone else have a good whippin it out story?

18 Comments

Filed under Boys are Dumb, Dating Stories